Favoring One Child Over the Other

By most of my posts you would never know that I have two children. If there is a mention of my second son it’s brief and it’s usually about how Aidan interacts with him.

His name is Isaak Dean and he is 11-months-old. He’s almost walking and he says “ba-ba” (bye-bye), and he’s one of the skinniest fat babies I’ve ever seen. He just learned how to dance and throw things. He’s one of the happiest babies you’ll ever meet and he has a single tooth that makes his smile to-die-for.

I told my husband a few weeks ago that I feel like I’m neglecting our little one in a way. Most of the time my attention is focused on Aidan. Keeping Aidan from having a melt-down, keeping Aidan from breaking something, doing Aidan’s compressions and brushing, having Aidan’s therapy appointments. Everything in our household revolves around Aidan.

I know that Aidan needs the attention, he needs that extra care, and he needs the extra help sometimes but it feels 80% of my attention is constantly focused on him and not the little one. Of course I play with Isaak, I feed him, clothe him, bathe him; I hug him, kiss him, tell him I love him but I feel so horrible.

I feel closer to Aidan. I feel more protective toward him. I feel very defensive when it comes to Aidan as if if you look at him the wrong way I’ll snap.

I’ve addressed this issue with a close friend and she says that often times when there are siblings and one has a special need, the parents feel the need to be there for that child more and protect that child more than the other. It made sense but it didn’t make me feel any better. I never wanted to be that type of mom that “favored” one child over the other. I grew up in a household like that, as did my husband and we both agreed we wouldn’t be that way.

My little brother, Billy, has a disease called Agenisus of the Corpus Collosum and Cerbral Palsy. He is completely dependent on someone else’s care. Having him in my life has taught me so much about life and the people in it who may be different but are still people. Having him as my brother has shown me so much. There was a time that I envied him because my mom seemed wholly devoted to him and not to me. I felt that way for a long time when I was younger until my mom sat down with me and explained to me what was wrong with him. She explained WHY he was the way he was and why she spent so much time caring for him. She assured me that I was still her little girl and she was always there for me and loved me just as much.

Are there any other parents out there who’ve been in this situation? Do you have any suggestions? I don’t want either of my boys growing up with resentment and jealousy.

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