The Point of Spare Your Child – follow up post.
A follow-up post to: Spare your Child
Let me just clear something up a bit before I get another round of 42 semi-hostile or the exact opposite of hostile comments. Asperger’s is completely different from my brother’s form of Autism. I have a cousin with Asperger’s. He is an awesome guy. He just does anti-social things like hiding in his room playing video games when he’s home from overseas. Stuff like that. I am not saying there is anything wrong with weird people. And if people want to hit me with the whole what do you classify as weird. Go ahead. By weird I mean anti-social. I don’t use words like that around people my age, because I sound like an Oprah Winfrey.
What I’m saying about the whole Asperger’s loser thing is that I would rather not even know about Asperger’s and be completely innocent. I’m not saying I would make fun of my cousin or anything, but I would much rather just think “Ok that kid’s a little strange.” And go about my day, instead of getting pissed at other people for snickering at the kid.
The point of the post was that from a very young age I lost my innocence. I never really had a childhood. Yes, I do resent my brother for that. Who wouldn’t? Nobody can honestly say they wouldn’t. My brother can’t help that he’s Autistic, but all the same, If he had Strep Throat and he drank my water when I wasn’t watching and I caught it, I’d be a little pissed.
For people who think that metaphor is stupid. It’s not. Think about it. His autism does somewhat rub off on me. I do love my brother, but still, I do have very conflicting emotions. My brother is very handsome, and it is just so unfortunate that he will never be married. There is just no way, He can’t understand. The whole thing about Facebook meant that we can’t really be friends at all. He’s my brother, and I’m more like Mama number 2.
And you know why this blog sounds extremely selfish; my family made it that way. It really is all about me. It has to be, and I don’t want it to be. I have to be perfect. When I’m not perfect, my parents tell me I didn’t try hard enough and I just sit upstairs and watch Chelsea Lately.
I have a good life, but a very confusing one. I have some problems of my own, but I believe my brother’s autism disorder has contributed to them. It’s a hard life with my knucklehead of a little brother, but you know you take what you’re given. I was given to him.
My earlier post was a very blunt and honest opinion expressing how many of we siblings feel. And again not to sugarcoat anything, the divorce rate/ teen suicide rate of relatives to children with disabilities is triple the amount of a typical American household.
I was simply saying, think before you put your children in that position. And if you already have kids they may not be as happy as you think. My mom didn’t know I was resentful towards my brother until the 9th grade. I understand Divorce/teen suicide doesn’t happen to everyone, but it does happen to some people. I’ve seen it.
My brother is the only thing holding my parents together and for the darkest period of my early teens keeping me alive. Just something to think about from the perspective of someone who is still living the life at the moment. I didn’t mean to be offensive, I just don’t believe it is wise to have a child after you have an autistic one. Whether it is the oldest or the twelve one. I personally think it should be the last.
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@Dr3ss3ed2th39ns – An attention whore can always recognize another attention whore. Duh. But seriously, you want the attention and I’m a giver so I’m giving you what you want
@LibranPoetess@xanga – If you think I’m such an attention whore, then why are you feeding into my “attention whoreness” by commenting on my post. I would think an opinionated person of the autism community would understand that comments such as yours only adds fuel to the fire.
experience of the life is always matter no body can says that experience is nothing but as far as my knowledge and views are concern experience is nothing with out a strong source of knowledge and skills because the person who commit in a crime he has the capability but have no experience about if i caught by the police man then what will happen so we must be prepare about any type of situation.
we can build a stemna by playing the games because in the games you are totally involved for the perpose of getting succes as such we must get the knowledge about the العاب .
Trying to justify your last blog with this one hasn’t done you any justice in my opinion. How did you have to grow up so fast? In this day and age, all kids want to grow up so fast and do and aren’t ready for the repercussions. If you feel like a second mom, stop being a second mom. As a member of the autistic community, I had to raise my brother, and I have to raise my nieces. But I also stopped doing that and started being an aunt and a sister because that is my role in their life. Not a mom, but I am honored if they see me as one. I have to take a step back and let the real parents be parents. Bring it to their attention because if they can’t see it without your help, then they won’t see it at all.
I think you are too harsh on your brother. I think you are too harsh about the whole autism thing. It’s almost like you don’t care and that might be okay for you but there are high functioning autistics who wouldn’t appreciate your tone. No one plans to have an autistic kid, it just happens. Sometimes, the diagnosis is made after you’ve already had a few kids. It’s not a bad thing. A well rounded parent would be a good parent to both autistic and nonautistic children.
I’ll end this by saying that you are going to have problems in life. Everyone has problems in life, life wasn’t intended to be easy. You need to learn to take responsibility for your problems instead of scapegoating them onto your brother. Life is never what you want it to be, and it’s easy to blame it on someone with autism as being the contributing factor. Maybe it’s just you. Your problem seems to be that it’s never YOUR FAULT, it’s always someone else’s problem. You just sound very selfish, very spoiled, and to be honest, you sound like an attention whore. I have a sibling like you, he’s now a drug addict and an alcoholic and he’s only 22. He runs from his problems and scapegoats just like you do. I only hope you don’t go the same route as he does and your brother doesn’t go the same route as I did.
The truth is that you are in many ways the result of your experiences. You are unique because of what you have been through and the world needs who you are becoming. A perfect puzzle piece, even if not the piece you wanted to be.
I’m glad you posted this. Its hard to be so honest and vulnerable in front of a crowd of, as you put it, ‘semi-hostile’ commenters. I think the people who have posted follow-up comments that seem very patronising read the words but not the sense and feeling of what you said.
There isn’t anything wrong in any feeling anyone has, feelings come from a deeper part of us and cannot be changed. Thoughts can be changed, but then there isn’t anything wrong with those either. Only actions, including speech, can be wrong. After all, shades of 1984, no-one wants to have the thought-police monitoring the inside of our heads and prescribing re-education, counselling, and little pills to change them to something that society approves of.
Keep on writing with honesty. I understand much more now about living in a family with an autistic child. Thank you.
@AibellFaeire@xanga – Yep, I completely agree. I’m glad that the OP followed to her first post, but I don’t think that it changes my view that her brother having autism isn’t all about her.
Honestly, I still think you sound a bit selfish. Everything’s about how hard life is for you. I’m sorry that you had to grow up so fast – it sucks, I know, but maybe you should grow up a bit more and realize that you’re lucky, and stop resenting your brother for something he didn’t ask to put upon you.
I realize that you’re just being honest about your feelings. A lot of people wouldn’t be able to admit that they have feelings of resentment for your brother. But honestly, if you’re ever going to be happy with yourself and your life, you have to stop resenting people for things they didn’t do.
I do understand your point though, and maybe it’s a good idea not to have children after having an autistic one. But honestly, your brother having autism isn’t about you.
I’m glad you were honest about your feelings, even if people gave you flack about it. You acknowledge that it’s not your brother’s fault he is the way he is. But I think it’s good for other siblings of people with autism to see that they aren’t the only ones who feel that way, and that it’s ok to resent your situation. I, personally, have never been in your situation. But I know what it’s like to resent someone over something they can’t help and feel like I’m a terrible person because of it. What you feel is perfectly reasonable in your situation. And it doesn’t make you a terrible person. Just an honest one.
I’m personally glad you posted a follow up but you may have invited more of the same harsh criticism as you experienced before. The only person that could ever understand your feeling is someone that has a sibling with the Same diagnosis, Exact functioning level and Behavior as your brother. Everybody’s reality is different! I encourage my 15 year old to talk openly about his emotions on every issue, including his little brother and I’m glad that he does not feel threatened to do so. Words on paper don’t always translate too well but I hope you get where I’m coming from. Take Care 🙂
from what I read and what you wrote it sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders you just haven’t been directed in how to use your inteligence.
First what I say is to be taken with a grain of salt. I hope that you can not blame your brother. He had nothing to do with the way he is. Your parents don’t and didn’t know how to handle having you and your brother, they weren’t handed a manual on how to raise a disabled child. YOU have the option of…..1 get counceling because it will help you at your age cope with everything around you and it will help you come to terms with what has gone on in the past so you can move on. When you go to the councelor make sure that you know what you want. eg. “I need you (to the councelor) to help me cope with having a disabled brother and not blame him for everything” Or “I need help coping with having a disabled brother and the pressures that I feel my parents are putting on me to be perfect” or….well any other variation that is there. If you don’t find the councelor helping….ask for another and another till you find one that is able to help you.
I hope in going to counceling you are able to get your parents to go as well so they can have a way to cope with all this as well and see ways that they can help you and them get past this so you can be a great family.
If you don’t do that. Then go to your school councelor and let them know they are there to help and care for you as well.
But most of all….I hope you can get past thinking your brother ruined your childhood….he didn’t want to be this way. He didn’t want to do anything to you….he is as inocent at you are in this situation. I am sure your parents don’t even realize this is going on they are to caught up in themselves trying to cope as well.
Please remember I am not writing YOU MUST DO THIS….I am hoping that my outside view will help you. Take what I wrote and use it or not….it is just advise from someone that can see the situation without the emotional aspects clouding my vision.