Spare your child.

my autistic brother

I am three years older than my autistic brother. I love him very dearly, but he has cost me many cherished things in life.

While growing up with someone who cannot communicate with you can be a huge plus (personal slave) it can also suck horribly. When I was younger, people saw me and they saw my brother. he was with me wherever I went. If not physically then mentally in the minds of the children I attended school with.

Thanks to my little brother I was a weird kid. I say thanks to him because I wasn’t really weird. I was very typical of a young girl growing up in suburban Texas. I played every sport offered. I danced. I spent time with my friends at the town square. I watched Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, MTV. I did everything a normal child would do.

The only issue was my amazing little brother. The worst instance I can remember was last homecoming. In Texas, Homecoming is a huge ordeal. The boys bestow upon girls what are called mums. They are really plastic chrysanthemums stapled on cardboard with a bunch of flowy ribbons. The girls give the boys ‘garters’ which is exactly the same thing, just much much smaller and the boys wear it on their bicep.

Well, when my boyfriend came to the front door with my mum in hand, my brother took it from him and ripped it to shreds. My brother loves to rip things apart. It is one of his stems. I told my boyfriend it was okay and that I would put it back together after the game. Thank goodness my amazing boyfriend did not freak out. I wore my mum from Freshman year. We had a very fun time at the football game. 

Yes, my brother is a huge blessing in my life. He has taught me patience and how to love unconditionally. Honestly, without him I do not think I would be able to love anyone.

I do not know if Christopher’s autism has made me this way, or if I was just born this way. My mother says I didn’t have a bad attitude until a was around five or six years old. She tells me I was freakishly smart, and that is how she knew there was something seriously wrong with Chris when he was not talking at 18 mos.

My friends tell me I’m smart and I know I am. They say things like “At least you’re not the weird one in the family.” But little do they know that I am. I’m the weird one who makes straight A’s, and hits home runs, and wins Drama Awards, and gets elected for Youth and Government. That’s weird.

If you’re a mother of an autistic child and you’re reading this, don’t have any more kids. Just don’t. Don’t do that to your child. I know some parents think, ‘I just want a normal one.’ I would absolutely think that way myself if I was put in that position. But if you have another child, you’re taking on a liability.

To be a sister of a brother with autism is not fun. It is not fun to walk down a street and have my friends make fun of a loser, I secretly know he has asbergers and cannot help it. I would much rather just think the kid is a loser.and keep walking.

It wasn’t cool being ten-years-old and being yelled at while at Carlsbad Cavern because my brother was laying on the floor in the middle of exhibit. Chris was laughing his little butt off, and the lady just thought he was mocking her. He was just excited to see the big hole.

Moms, if you’re reading this spare your child from what my sister and I went through. I understand being a mother to an Autistic child must be devastating.

Think of things brother and sister always do together, though. I can’t go to his baseball games. I can’t add him on Facebook. We can’t bash our parents together. We can’t team up against our little sister. I won’t be a bridesmaid in his wedding.

I love my brother to death.. I do wish he wasn’t Autistic. Every day I wish that. I want a brother, not a Christopher. It is very selfish and I know that.

I don’t deserve this.Christopher doesn’t deserve his autism. When I adopt (Can’t have kids) my children they would know that I will be doing more than the best I can for them. I know my mom did that for me, but my children deserve better than what I have. Way better than what I have.

I do not wish autism on anybody. No one deserves this. But I wouldn’t change my brother. He’s perfect.

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0 thoughts on “Spare your child.

  • August 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm
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    I can’t figure out if you’re saying, “my brother is autistic and I love and support him just the same as if he weren’t” or if you’re saying, “my brother is autistic and I wish he wasn’t because he’s caused my life to be less than perfect”

    My nephew is autistic, he’s 9 years old and has a 7 year old sister and a 1 year old brother. So far, he hasn’t caused any of his family any real trouble. I do think autism changes everything, but I don’t think you having an autistic brother gives you any right to try to tell people with autistic children not to have anymore. that’s not at all your decision to make.

  • August 17, 2009 at 12:35 pm
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    It’s so easy to blame everything on your autistic brother. Maybe you are weird not because of him, but because of you. Your entire post makes me wretch. Wish I hadn’t bothered reading it. Please take responsibility for who you are, and not push it all on your brother. I doubt he needs that.

    I went through something similar with my younger brother but he and I have a wonderful relationship. We discovered we can’t live together because of our imposing personalities and lifestyles but, we are best friends, regardless of that. He never told me I was an embarrassment and he never made me feel like an abomination.

    I feel sorry for your brother but not for you. He has to suffer from a sister like you. And by the way, autism is not a vicious disease but you sure make it sound like one. Yeah it’s tough having a sibling with autism. But get over it. That’s life. It’s tough having any kind of sibling. But you are so consumed with yourself, that YOU are all you can think about. You just sound like a shitty person. I would never want to know you.

  • August 17, 2009 at 8:43 am
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    hmm i dont like this post tbh. i am one year younger than my autistic brother and i love him very much and wouldn’t change the way he is for the world. sure i have suffered being his sibling- people bringing it up at school ect. but how do you think my mam and dad wold feel if they had never had anymore children because me and tom both don’t suffer from autism and we have a whole future ahead of us, get married, have kids, get a job, ect. but my autistic brothe does not. i know what you mean when people call others retarded and mock people who have autism i feel awful and i can never laugh with them. but it is so selfish just for those reasons to deny parents of a ”normal” child.

  • August 17, 2009 at 7:08 am
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    Having a sibling with autism is rough no matter how people try to sugar coat it.  The line” I would much rather just think the kid is a loser.and keep walking” is so important and shouldn’t be overlooked. 
     
    My younger brother is autistic… and from a very early age I took on the role of protector.  I was the patient one and the closest to him in age. It made me aware of things that most children never have to think about. Painful things that a child shouldn’t have to deal with. It also made me fight the world to protect him.  Does that mean I love him less… no.  I love him more because of it, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have to be his shield.  He is a part of me… he has formed my thinking and my reaction to the world around us. Us that is the key… it’s not me… it’s us.  That’s hard on a kid.  It’s also hard when you’re the “normal” one. There are so many things that are expected of you. It’s hard to explain… but it’s there.  The expectations are high.  You’re expected to be patient… never have a selfish thought… to include him or her in the things you do.  Sometimes that’s difficult. You also know that the responsibility will never end… one day it will be on you alone to see him through. So yeah, her post is contradictory, but how could it be anything else. 
     
    I will tell you that it gets easier in time.  Learn to embrace the impact it’s had on your life, whether you realize it or not, it’s a very important part of you. Try to share your experience with others.  It’s one that you don’t hear too often.  It’s valuable. 

  • August 17, 2009 at 6:29 am
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    I normally don’t comment on these blogs, but just this once I felt like I had to share my opinion.

    Like most of the people that have replied to this entry, I strongly disagree with the views that you have shared with us readers. While I don’t have siblings of my own with autism, two of my close family members do; and while I have to say that there are sacrifices involved for the rest of the family, I believe that families are supposed to be there to love and to support each other through anything and everything, even if that means enduring a few painful experiences growing up.

    Having worked with young adults with autism and other developmental disorders for the past year, I can assure you that having siblings is one of the best things that can happen for children with autism. While having a brother or sister won’t necessarily magically help an autistic child become a better reader or understand addition or subtraction, there is a noticeable difference when it comes to social development. Many people say that they can pinpoint when someone is an only child, even if they had no abnormal developmental issues, and with autistic children this is a million times more obvious. I personally have found that young adults with autism who have siblings at home are not only better at simple things like sharing, but are more emotionally developed and have an enhanced maturity in the way they deal with difficult situations like meeting strangers or being out in public. Just as another previous post mentioned, autistic children with siblings are able to learn things through experience that their parents or teachers can’t possibly teach in a classroom setting.

    Growing up, especially in your teenage years when you think that everyone in the world is working against you, is hard, regardless of whether or not you have a sibling with autism. While it’s true that having a family member with a disability of any kind can make life a little more difficult, I hope that you can come to terms with the fact that you cannot change your brother for who he is.

    If you continue to feel a bit of resentment for the way you grew up, maybe you can attend therapy sessions or workshops to help you cope with your emotions. I’m not sure how your state agencies work, but child development centers in my area not only offer services for those with disabilities themselves, but also for their family members for this exact reason.

    I’m sure that your younger brother thinks the world of you, so remember to reciprocate those feelings.

  • August 16, 2009 at 10:52 pm
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    This is very contradictory.

    Either way, you are very selfish and you obviously don’t know this or you wouldn’t be writing a post on xanga looking for sympathy. How dare you tell people they shouldn’t have children if they already have an autistic child? What if you were younger than your brother? Is your life so horrible that you would wish you were never born?

    This is just ridiculous.

  • August 16, 2009 at 9:53 pm
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    I have a severely disabled older brother. He can’t talk, he walks with a pronounced gate & he oftens bangs on walls & windows & grabs people inappropriately. Yes I was teased by kids at school. Although not nearly as often as he was. Yes I would get embarrassed by his behavioral problems when i brought friends home from school but he is the oldest of four & I for one am very glad that mum & dad decided to have more kids or me & my other siblings wouldn’t be here. I know you say your brothers a blessing but you do seem to be really resentful towards him. I hope you grow out of this attitude, thankfully I think you will. I know I had some resentment towards my brother when I was a teenager but the older I got the more I realised how small & trivial my concerns actually were. Now I am so proud to say he’s my brother even though he still annoys the crap out of me sometimes (as does my other able bodied brother) I am now 30 & my brother is 35. Families come in all types of packages & I hope you can learn to be happy with the one you’ve been given.

  • August 16, 2009 at 9:41 pm
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    As the sister of an autistic brother I am deeply hurt by what you wrote here, your problems are YOUR problems and YOUR issues are YOUR issues and are not direct results of having a brother with autism. My brother has more than just autism and I don’t blame any of my issues or parts of my life on him. He is the dearest person in my life, the most honest of beings and the purest individual I have ever been blessed to know. Think again before writing something so selfish please. I mean this with no disrespect as another individual who shares a brother like mine, you just need to do some serious thinking before you write.

  • August 16, 2009 at 9:11 pm
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    Stop feeling sorry for yourself because your brother is autistic. I’m sorry to hear that your childhood has been less than sunshine and daisies but you’re not the only person who has a sibling who is autistic. At least you were able to do normal things like “played every sport offered”, “danced”, and “spent time with my friends at the town square”. You pretty much “did everything a normal child would do”. I am annoyed at how hypocritical and ignorant you sound in your post because although you mention that you love your brother dearly, you say that he is a liability and imply that he is holding you back from all the things “normal” kids do. I can’t take you seriously when you can’t even spell Asperger’s correctly. At least do your research before you start talking about the disorder. Stop thinking that you’re a saint just because you say you love your brother because you know that you would be calling an autistic kid a “loser” too if you didn’t have your brother.

    I personally have an older brother who is autistic and I find it utterly detestable that you can say all these things about how mothers should stop having children if their first child is autistic. I would not be here today if people followed the naive path you have. Nobody wants to be left with a child who has autism but you are not in a position to tell mothers with autistic children to stop having kids just because their first child is autistic. From your entire post, it sounds like you haven’t accepted your brother’s disorder yet and slightly resent him for it because he’s been a sort of embarassment to you all these years.

    Stop being so selfish and imagine how your brother must feel to be autistic. TRY and think about things from his perspective for once. He won’t be able to do many of the things you say make you a weird kid, like playing on a sports team or going to a dance with the girl he likes. He may not even be able to get married one day because some people are too close-minded to accept someone with autism.

    Be grateful for the gifts and experiences you have because you could have been the child with autism. Do you think your brother would be saying the same things you have said if he was the “normal child” and you were the autistic one?

  • August 16, 2009 at 8:47 pm
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    I have an autistic brother, he has aspergers, who has 4 other siblings one younger and the rest of us the same age…I sometimes WONDER what he would be like if he didn’t have his aspergers…but then I think I would miss who my brother is right now. He is the way he is bc of his aspergers which gives him his personality. My brothers friends are us…his brothers and sisters, so don’t tell mothers to not have anymore kids because alot of these children don’t have many friends and therefore have a hard time getting through life without an ounce of happiness.

  • August 16, 2009 at 8:07 pm
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    My friend Nikki has a brother who’s autistic and she adores being his older sister… I don’t know. 

    I think it would be one of those things that would vary from person to person.

  • August 16, 2009 at 6:55 pm
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    I have absolutely no idea what the point of this post was. What are we sparing our kids from again?

  • August 16, 2009 at 6:29 pm
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    @Phoenix_Nomad@xanga – I hope this perspective is helpful not only to the author but to the other siblings that may be reading this… you are very compassionate and wise! I only hope my oldest daughter too can develop your balanced perspective… for now, I will support each of my children unconditionally.

  • August 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm
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    I have to laugh at your post. I get why you’re saying it though. Thing is, I would say, “Spare your autistic child from being an only child.” My oldest son has Aspergers. (I have it too.) If it weren’t for my younger two daughters, Josh wouldn’t have near the social and communication skills he has. The girls have taught him things I couldn’t. They are “peers” of sorts who love him and who don’t care, don’t even realize exactly, that he is a bit “off.” If Josh was an only kid, he wouldn’t have had Kailey teach him to talk other than quoting Veggie Tales and Shrek. If Josh was an only kid, he wouldn’t have Julie to teach him to look out for people smaller than he is. Josh’s sisters have been the best things to ever happen to him. As an only kid, he wouldn’t have had to get used to the constant chatter of other people. Without the girls, Josh and I would be quite content to pretty much ignore each other. The girls have taught us a lot. They don’t know life without Josh. He’s their big brother.

    My little brother has some autistic traits too. (He’s never been diagnosed, probably never will be.) He TORMENTED every friend that my sister or I ever brought to the house. (Not that I had many.) He destroyed my stuff. He embarrassed me in front of people. Thing is, I would never say that kids should be “spared” from life with a sibling regardless of that sibling’s challenges. My siblings were my greatest allies. I learned to share. I learned to block out the noise. I learned to deal with the challenges of sharing a room and a bathroom. I watch so many people who grew up as only children struggle to learn that stuff as adults. A sibling is the greatest gift you can give to your first child. It keeps them from being an only child… which, if you ask me is much more difficult in the long run.

  • August 16, 2009 at 3:49 pm
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    Honey, you sound conflicted, and I can’t be mad at that.  You say that you wouldn’t change your brother but at the same time you say that you wish he didn’t have autism.  Which is it?  I hear your frustration, and I know it personally.  My brother is two years younger than I am, and he has autism.  We went to the same school for most of elementary and two years of high school.  I became “weird” because I was basically second mother to my brother at all times, and that shaped my personality.  We are 24 and 22, respectively, and whenever I’m around him I resume that role. 

    You have patience because of your brother but have more patience still.  Soon enough, you will be going off to college and living on your own, and you can have that independence to define yourself outside of your brother, and that will be good for you.  You want to be normal, but normal is not always right.  I’m presonally glad that I’m not so insensitive as my peers are about people with disabilities.  That’s ugly.  Learn to embrace the ways your are different now, because like it or not, this is part of you.

  • August 16, 2009 at 2:04 pm
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    As some others have stated, this is a highly contradictory posting.  You love your brother, he’s perfect… but you wish he didn’t have autism anymore.  That means that, to you, he’s NOT perfect. 
    I do understand, however, what you are attempting to convey… but, still, you really need to re-read your blog and edit it quite a bit to make it sound kinder.  It’s a bit harsh/cruel.

    I had a sister who wasn’t autistic, but mentally challenged due to lack of oxygen to the brain at birth.  She was still quite high-functioning, though, and even spoke fluent Lithuanian just like the rest of us.  I am the youngest (of 4), she was about 3 years older, but I did, at times, feel like I was the “older” one.  Once in a while I felt embarrassed, naturally I was very young then.  However, as we grew older I began to look at my sister as the older one and respected her more.  We shared a special bond.

    My sweet sister passed away in January of this year, and I’m missing her very much.  She would have been 44 in May.

    You’re still young, you have quite a lot of growing up to do.  I assure you that, even though the road may seem difficult at this time, you’ll find it to be a rewarding journey being the sister of your sweet brother.
    I suggest you find some new friends… as the ones you have already are not really friends.  True friends will not call your brother a loser. 

    Advising moms who have a child with special needs not to have anymore children isn’t the right way to go about things.  If my mom had stopped having children after my sister was born, I wouldn’t be here. 
    Something to keep in mind… ALL babies are special gifts.  Some may come with a few challenges, but nonetheless, they’re still little miracles. 
    My own daughter was born with a cleft lip/palate, we knew from ultrasounds that she would be born with it.  She’s now 7 years old, has had 7 oral surgeries before the age of 5, with an 8th surgery done last Christmas.  Her next surgery will be next year when she’s 8.  I realize that it’s not at all comparable to having an autistic child.  However, the multiple surgeries can be draining and definitely are stressful.  She’s doing awesomely, though, and we’re thrilled to have her in our life.

    I realize that I went off-tangent there… sorry…

  • August 16, 2009 at 1:53 pm
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    As an older sister with a brother 2 years younger than me with autism, I felt I had to comment on this post.  I am 23 and he is 21.

    Firstly, to the author:  I know this is difficult for you.  Believe me, I’ve been there again and again, and yes, it sucks.  Your brother may or may not improve over time, and it will always be difficult – especially as you both exit adolescence and the structure of K-12 school (that may sound silly now, but trust me). But one thing I have to say will happen, I hope will happen for you: is a maturing of your perspective.  I don’t mean this in a condescending way, please don’t take it as an attack.  I know all too well the feelings you are expressing here.  And sometimes I still harbor those feelings.  I also know that xanga posting can be a sort of catharsis, a place to let it all out.  I hope with time some of your negative feelings toward your brother will mellow and your bond as siblings will grow.

    Secondly, to everyone else:  My family has four children, me, my brother, and two younger sisters.  Yes, it is sometimes a burden, we’ve all been embarrassed, we’ve had Rainman-esque breakdowns in national parks on family vacations.  And looking back with sheer horror at some of those experiences, it’s really quite comedic, and it’s past.  I wouldn’t trade my brother, I wouldn’t tell mothers with autistic children to refrain from having more children if that is what they desire.

    There is no reason for me not to be ‘facebook friends’ with my autistic brother.  There is no reason not to hang out with him, and tell people that don’t understand what’s up, and to chill out.

  • August 16, 2009 at 12:43 pm
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    I just don’t even know what to say. Why would you ever say to SPARE your child from having an autistic sibling? You were really trying to make a point but it doesn’t make sense. Had you just described your experiences with your brother and ended with the “I do not wish autism on anybody. No one deserves this. But I wouldn’t change my brother. He’s perfect.” it would have been fine, but you put in how you wish he didn’t have autism anymore… butttttt, you wouldn’t change him cause hes perfect? Hes perfect even though you basically just told everyone not to have another child if they already have one with autism? Hes perfect even though you say he ruined your childhood? I think you need to reread and edit your future blogs before posting.

  • August 16, 2009 at 10:29 am
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    I have a brother who’s autistic. Do I wish every single day he wasn’t autistic? Well, I used to. But he’s still a person first. His autism is just an aspect of him, something he can’t help. Although I do get tired and sometimes wish that he’d been born normal, I wouldn’t trade any aspect of him for anything else in the world. 🙂

    Anyway, I think your post is contradictory because you have contradictory feelings about your brother’s condition.

  • August 16, 2009 at 9:07 am
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    I have a daughter diagnosed with autism and one who is not… They are both challenging to raise in their unique ways; not because they are difficult children, but because they are their own individuals. We all are. We all have traits that annoy others. I didn’t grow up with a disabled sibling, but I did have sisters and brothers who had querks in my eyes. And when friends insulted them, no matter how much they may have annoyed me, I always stood up for them. I see this in my daughters. I know that my NT kid gets frustrated as hell with her autistic sister, she has even said “I wish she was never born”, but I don’t get all worked up, all siblings feel that way growing up. I also know that she would be the first to stand up and defend her sister if one of the neighbor kids were to be offensive to her little sister. 

    Yes, the neighborhood girls ask what is wrong with your sister, why doesn’t she talk, why isn’t she allowed outside without your mom, etc. And my oldest daughter will matter of factly state that she has autism… then asks “do you know what autism is? It is hard to explain, but my sister’s brain doesn’t work like ours, but she will be fine we just have to work alot with her.” 
    I hope that you, too, can learn that your brother, no matter how annoying, is a wonderful whole, complete person who can have a quality life. I hope that you can find peace within you to be able to enjoy the gift of autism that he brings to your family.

  • August 16, 2009 at 6:51 am
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    I get what you’re saying about how having an autistic brother has taught you patience. Having an autistic sister has done that to me.
    I don’t see how having your autistic sibling is painful enough to call for mothers of autistic children not to have other children, though. Maybe that’s because autism is more wide-spread where I live (Long Island) than in Texas.
    But if anything, I think having an autistic sister has enriched my life and my personality (I know you said something similar).
    And my mother hadn’t had me (I came after my sister), I think she might have gone crazy with the non-stop-autistic-child-ness. I’m kind of glad that I was born, to be honest.
    Interesting post. I hope things get easier for you!

  • August 16, 2009 at 4:05 am
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    My cozen Dusten is Autistic, he is the oldest of three children and both his brother and sister adore him. I’ll admit that Dustan is a challenge to deal with though.
    I think I understand what you’re trying to say.
    My cozen is absolutely amazing but, I do wish he weren’t autistic. He’ll be fifteen in two months and is just now learning to say simple words-As he is, Dust will probably never get to go to highschool or experience the things a teenager should. He hates change & can’t function in a highschool environment without freaking out (he can’t be taken off of his daily routine). Its not for his brother, his sister, my aunt or even for myself that I wish he didn’t have autism though. I wish he didn’t because he lives in such a small box, compared to the rest of us. I wish he could experience the things I did, the things both his brother and sister will when they get older, I wish he could experience the things he deserves to know for himself.
    I do understand that it is hard to live in a family with an autistic child, You don’t think about what’s right and wrong, just that you want to fit in and you can’t with a sibling like my Dust or you’re chris. What I think you should think about is that, even if it was hard, it made you better for knowing and loving him. Think of what you might have been, without him.
    Its not a matter of having an autistic child and a ‘normal’ child, it’s a matter of being a good parent and teaching both children to coexist and help them understand each other. Its hard having an autistic child in the family but, worth every second. Just because its difficult doesn’t mean autistic children cant be great brothers or sisters.

  • August 16, 2009 at 3:20 am
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    No offense but this post was really contradicting. Plus, I think you kinda needa look back on some of the things you say…

    You advise mothers to not give birth anymore just because a case of autism? -____-” And to think you have your life going bad because of him? Theres plenty of others who have siblings with the case of autism or even down syndrome whom are still welcoming new brothers or sisters into their family.

    Just be grateful.

  • August 16, 2009 at 2:38 am
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    You were being honest and that is commendable.  There is a book called “Views From Our Shoes” that can be helpful for kids growing up with a disabled sibling.   It’s good for these children to know that they are not alone whether they are feeling loving towards their brother or sister or maybe struggling to understand and cope with the challenges they face.  It’s also a book I would recommend to the parents of sibs with an affected brother or sister because their “typical” child may not feel comfortable revealing any negative thoughts to parents who may be struggling with their own emotions. 

  • August 16, 2009 at 2:29 am
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    I don’t mean to  be offensive, but you sound like you have so much growing up to do. I have 2 siblings with autism and I would never… do anything like this, blame them because children are cruel. Maybe you missed out on being little miss popular, but as you already know you gained so much more, patience for instance, i don’t quite think you have the understanding part down yet but you’ll get there, you learned you have a boyfriend who doesn’t care about little things like the flower that he got you that got all messed up. Again I’m sorry because I really don’t mean to be offensive, but I myself am offended, how hurt do you think your brother would be if he read this post and understood exactly what you were saying?

  • August 16, 2009 at 2:03 am
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    I don’t have any autistic siblings, but I kind of get where you’re coming from.

    My older sister died the day after she was born and my parents were absolutely devastated. My mom was told she couldn’t have any more children due to her diabetes yet two years and six months (to date!) later, I was born. I know my parents wish she could have lived, and I know that means I wouldn’t be here.

    THEN when I was 5 years old, my parents adopted a little boy, and three years later, another little boy. I have two younger brothers who are both half-black and the rest of my family is white. Not that this is a bad thing.. I love my brothers to death. I come from a verrry small town in the Midwest though. People know me because of my brothers. “Carolan? Oh, you’re Marcus and Tyler’s older sister!”

    My childhood was nowhere near “normal”. Some days I DO wish my parents had never chosen to adopt. Who wouldn’t want to be the spoiled only child?! But, though I think things like that, I’d never in a million years decide to change any of it. I think the way you feel is perfectly normal. [:

  • August 16, 2009 at 1:57 am
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    I don’t have any family members with autism but I do know several other families who have an autistic kid.
    And I admire them so much because I see a strength in those family members that regular old joes just don’t have these days.
    I want an autistic kid, along with many others, because I think there is a lot of wisdom and teaching that comes with raising an autistic child.
    I have a good friend who is my age and we both help out with our old homeschool group that we graduated from. Her brother is autistic.
    And ya know what? When I hang out with her, I don’t see her brother. I see her. And I think she’s awesome.
    And I love her little brother as well.
    I see how their whole family cares for him and how gentle they are around him and it just blows me away.
    I hope I can learn those family values that they have. Autism does not subtract from a person’s character, I think it builds it. From what I’ve seen anyway.

  • August 16, 2009 at 1:48 am
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    While this post may be contradictory, think about it–who DOESN’T have issues with a family member? You love them anyway though, right? She’s just being honest about the fact that she feels like this is a burden on her, yet she doesn’t let it get in the way of loving her brother. We shouldn’t be chastising her. I know plenty of siblings who are “normal” and can’t act like they love each other.

  • August 16, 2009 at 1:09 am
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    I agree with the other commenters that this post is very contradictory.

    You need to re-think your presentation of what you’re trying to say.

    Also, I agree with the commenter who said that not all siblings of autistic people are the same. Although, I don’t have one myself, so I can’t speak from personal experience.

    I also only know one person (personally) that has a sibling with autism, but the sibling is 10 years older than she is. However, she loves her autistic brother a lot and has not (as far as I know) felt inconvienced or anything because of him.

  • August 16, 2009 at 12:51 am
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    @thesevenone2@xanga – @ConfusionwithaK11@xanga – first line of the post says that she’s three years older than her brother. i almost missed the age as well lol.

    i personally can’t relate to this post at all. i personally don’t have anyone close to me with Autism. the closest i would have would be someone i know who does in home care for Autistic children and the stories she shares with me. so i really just don’t know what it’s like to have a day to day life with someone with a disability like Autism.

  • August 16, 2009 at 12:04 am
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    I think shes younger, maybe her feelings will change as she grows.

    I get very angry at my sister sometimes, and she is not autistic. I think its very normal to have a little sibling rivalry. Its hard to appreciate him now, but later you’ll learn the value!– also, im sure mothers do not have children to have a “normal” one, most want more than one pair of little feet pattering around their home.Grow up my dear, life gets better.

  • August 15, 2009 at 10:30 pm
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    I wanna know why you’re hanging out with “friends” who think its ok to call other people losers, asbergers or not. Sounds like you’d have had a lot more fun with your brother if you didn’t choose to hang with such sucky friends.

  • August 15, 2009 at 10:04 pm
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    Just curious….Who’s older? Do you wish you were never born? Or do you wish your brother was never born? 

    You’re calling mothers of autism to not have any more children because your childhood sucked so much. Not every sibling of autism feels the same way.
    Saying you love your brother for who he is, that he’s perfect and you wouldn’t change him is quite contradictory of the post as a whole. You WOULD change your brother if given the chance…

  • August 15, 2009 at 8:46 pm
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    You say that you wouldn’t change your brother a bit, but yet you spend the entire post complaining about how horrible your childhood was because of him.   I don’t get it.  I think we all have challenges whether we have brothers or sisters or not.  It doesn’t have anything to do with whether they have disabilities or not.  My brother is a diabetic (has been since he was 4; now he’s 21) and it was annoying to have to do extra things to make sure he kept his blood sugar in check and we didn’t have to rush to the ER because of a mistake.  But I don’t love him any less, and I sure wouldn’t write a whole blog about how annoying my childhood was because he was my brother.  

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