The Birds The Bees… and Aspergers
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As a twenty-first century mum I thought I had it all planed out!
We all know that eventually the day will come when as a mother we are required to have that little chat with our children, you know, the one about the birds and the bee’s!
I have two son’s Little man (aka A boy with Aspergers) who is 11-years-old and 2-year-old Harley. I also have a daughter ‘Alice-Sara’ who will be 9 this Sunday.
Yes, I guess I had assumed that daddy would speak to the boys and mummy would speak to her daughter. I would do it in a way that provide her with understanding , not embarrassment nor looks of horror, the terms “Bird” & “Bee” would be widely used, and we would live happily ever after!
Well, this was in-till I discovered my son, “Little man” wasn’t your “typical” child! Little man sees the world differently, he sees it in “Black & White” and this means only one thing, the subject at hand, would need approaching in a very black and white way!
There would be no “Birds” nor any “Bees” here! Instead it would be text-book, very, very text-book! Lets remember, this is a child on the autism spectrum, metaphors wouldn’t work, a literal understanding is what he has and using the birds and bees example would only result in confusion (he would be expecting bees to grow pubic hair, have a breaking voice and a use for condoms)
Guess what? Daddy wouldn’t be doing it nether, mummy would… Fan-bloody-tastic is that!
Not long after Little man started at his independent special school, especially for children on the autism spectrum, we received a letter home, explaining how some of the boys had fell into the conversation of “Wet Dreams” while on the school bus. Little man goes by taxi each morning so he wasn’t involved in the conversation but with such small class numbers (no more than 6) I knew it wouldn’t have taken long for him to hear about the subject, my guess is he found out by playtime!
The letter just raised the subject of how our boys are now growing up and we may want to consider the talk that many parents dread!
If truth be told, little man has been known to make some pretty random, yet inappropriate comments with reference to a sexual nature for a while now. He said some things in his old mainstream school to a ASD outreach worker. I was red-faced when I read her report and on meeting her she told me he was saying such things to her without any concept on they’re meaning! OK, he knew a little but not enough, yet it certainty warranted a talk! Instead I tried to address it by telling him it was inappropriate and he shouldn’t be saying it! I know it wasn’t a great way to deal with it, yet I guess I wasn’t ready, or didn’t want to be!
It’s not just that Little Man has Aspergers, it’s also the fact his growing up, I’m therefore getting older which isn’t great, but I’m also losing my “innocent” Little man and before I know it, his going to be this teenage boy with a changing body, hair in places he never knew possible, mood strings and a deep voice!
Little man has already stated he likes girls and wants to marry more than one (goodness me, do I have a bigamist on my hands)! I guess like any mother, I don’t want my eldest child to grow up, and if anything have that bit of an extra reason to worry.
So… Yes, we did have a talk, quite recently actually! Little Man, to no surprise, asked a lot of questions and patiently awaited my answers. With every answer it sparked another question and I answered as honestly and correctly as possible. One question was will my “penis grow bigger?” another was “How do you make babies” followed by “What happens once the sperm gets in there” to which I then directed him to this amazing video, which seemed to do the trick and if anything it literally amazed him, rather than grossing him out.
He now knows that once upon a time, he looked like an alien!
He also states that he has thousands of potential “Little Man” clones swimming around inside him, which his saving for his adult life.
I guess his saving them to share with all them wife’s of his!
Well, till the next lot of text-book questions, requiring text-book answers, comes along, I feel I’ve done my best for now!
Now I guess I just sit and wait for those pending teenage years of mood swings and body hang-ups!
For now… I’m just going to enjoy my Little Man being just that…
A Little Man
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Hard going 🙂 We’ve had to have the puberty talk with my 8yo aspie daughter who is growing up far too fast. We used the book ‘What is happening to me’ but I had to help with her very literal interpretation of things.
Found him! Just thought you might find it interesting:
That couldn’t have been a tough thing to do! The whole time that I was reading this, I was thinking of a video series that I watched once which was meant for teachers of children with autism and Asperger’s. I can’t remember the name of the guy, but he was really funny and had a lot of great insights. He apparently worked at a center for young adults with autism/ Asperger’s and was commenting on the areas that he felt teachers of younger children should emphasize (like teaching kids about their body parts using proper, adult terms, teaching children proper bathroom habits, etc). Anyway, it was really interesting… I wish I could remember his name, or what the series was called…