It’s not easy being the most important person in the world. In my absence, hope dissolves, words are rendered useless, and basic bodily functions can not be controlled.
On Saturday I left Ryan in Stu’s capable hands for the day so I could chat with musicians and recording industry professionals at Kindiefest. I did this to help book gigs for a friend of mine who is a terrific children’s musician – please check out Music by Zev – listen to his albums, book him for parties in the greater New York area, share the love.
Aaaanyway, I left my boys alone for the day. When I returned, I found Stu clutching his phone, about to break down and call me to see when the hell I was coming home already. He declared the day had been “an unmitigated disaster.” All day, Ryan staged an elaborate protest to express his displeasure at my truancy; it involved a flat refusal to use any sort of interactive language, intense irritability, and a boycott of the bathroom.
As soon as Ryan was tucked in bed, Stu took himself out to dinner and left me home alone. I couldn’t blame him.
Sunday, in my presence, Ryan was pretty much back to normal. His nerves were perhaps a little raw, but otherwise he was as fit for human company as he usually is.
Being the center of the universe is an awesome responsibility – one I do not take lightly. I shall try to use my powers for good and not for evil.