Ever since Daniel’s diagnosis in 1998 I have looked to children a little older but with a similar functioning level to get a glimpse of what he may be like in the future. I can’t recall ever feeling particularly encouraged but there was hope for a better outcome for newly diagnosed children as compared to those from 10 years earlier.
I still want to be hopeful yet now that he is 13 I’m seeing and hearing more discouraging news of children being hospitalized or placed in group homes because the parents can no longer handle the destructive and/or dangerous behaviors.
Five years ago I would never have imagined this would ever be a possibility for our family but 5 years ago my son was not able to knock me out and had never broken the arm of an innocent child. Just typing this I am tearing up at the thought of not being physically able to handle the care of my own son. This is the first time in my life that I am starting to think things may not go as I had hoped.
I have consulted with behavioral specialists and neurologists and was told point blank over a year ago that there may come a time that Daniel will not be safely manageable and we may have to consider another option and we all know what she meant. I just refuse to believe that this would ever be a possible outcome. I would consider this the ultimate failure on my part and I believe that Daniel would look at this as the ultimate betrayal.
I pray every day that this will not be the case and in our quieter moments I sit with Daniel and ask him what I need to do to make his life easier so that we can continue to help each other cross through this rough patch in our lives. He is still not talking but in spite of everything I am not giving up.
Have you ever felt like giving up?