Insecurity – Where does it come from?

A friend and I were having a conversation earlier today. My friend, like me, is a bit of a loner, although he is far quieter than I am. He’s introverted and insists he wants to be accepted, yet other times, he suggests otherwise. Everyone is insecure about something at some point in their life.

One of my insecurities is my nose. It’s been broken a few times, therefore, I don’t like being in pictures, unless I take them myself, because only I know how to angle my face the right way. There are about a million different insecurities I could think up, but I’m certain there is more than that. So, what is insecurity, and why is it there?

I can see jealousy as a motivator to do better, although it does not always turn out that way. Fear, to ensure one’s own survival, anger, to push through when things are difficult.

But what is insecurity? Suddenly, like a bullet to a glass window. It hit me. The best possible answer I could think of.

Now, I am not a doctor, a scientist, nor do I have a degree in psychology, or human nature. I just think a lot, so this, happens to be my personal view, it has not been proven.

I believe insecurity stems from one needing to be loved. Not accepted, because you can accept someone, and not love them. Unconditional love.

Let’s say, you were the most insecure person on the earth. But, over time, every other person on the earth began to love you unconditionally. Would you still be so insecure?

Thoughts, anyone?

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0 thoughts on “Insecurity – Where does it come from?

  • June 23, 2010 at 5:58 pm
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    My friend Alex, who is a pastor and holds a degree in Psychology talks about this “thing” called an IALAC… which is an acronym for “I Am Loveable And Capable.” He says that it is the one thing that most people need more than anything to be convinced of more than anything else. People need to believe that they are loved and that they are capable. It really is very simple. If there is a breakdown of either of those things, then insecurity is the result. Insecurity plays itself out in sooooo many ways too. It isn’t so much being accepted, that is part of being loved unconditionally as it is having someone believe in you… believing that you CAN do it… whatever it is that you need to do, whether it is learn to speak or learn to fly a plane. When someone believes in you, it fuels your abilities to learn and to grow. When someone believes in you, you can grow and change. It is a terrible thing to hear of parents who simply don’t believe their children can do things. Maybe their kids won’t grow up to be rocket scientists, but believing in them to make just that next little step makes every next little step possible.

    As soon as I get enough (credentials, money, etc.) behind me, I would like to find a way to study this effect on people. I have observed it throughout my life, but never purposefully compiled the data or kept any particular records on it.

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  • June 20, 2010 at 11:44 pm
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    I see it as a why to not make yourself too proud.  It humbles you and makes you realize what you really are.  If I’ve said something around my friends or co-workers about myself, People always say, “It’s so negative to talk about yourself like that.  You should be more positive.”  Why is knowing what you are and what you are capable of negative?  I love Guitar Hero and Rock Band, and when someone says, “you should try to play a real guitar” I always respond with, “no, that takes actual talent.”  They look so shocked and say I’m too negative.  Why is that negative?  I can play a game with 5 buttons, I can’t learn something with six strings and a unlimited number of chords and sounds.  It always keeps me in check.  And I like that. 

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  • June 20, 2010 at 12:12 am
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    Insecurity stems from needing to be loved 

    and

    accepted, but that must first come from within in order to alleviate a good portion of insecurity.  I tend to be insecure about my writing; I obsess over punctuation, grammar and spelling, fear I’m not witty enough or too bitchy, or worry I ramble off topic way too often.  I still write–I just don’t write here (I found my audience waiting elsewhere).  I have grown to be quite comfortable with my discomforts and accept I’m simply human, I’m asymmetrical, and I love and accept myself as I am.

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