My Christmas Wish: To Have a Conversation with My Son

I am blessed.

I have a beautiful wife who loves me.  I have a super 6-year-old son who has autism.  I have a terrific 3-year-old girl who thinks she’s 13-years-old.  I live in the greatest state in the USA (Texas of course) I have a job that I enjoy, I have my health.  We are blessed.

HOWEVER…if this is the season of Christmas wishes and dreams…then I’ll be the first to get in line with my request.

I want a conversation with my son.  Not just a “yes” or “no” conversation but one where he’s asking me so many questions that my head is about to explode.

A conversation where he tells me what he wants, what he’s afraid of, what he imagines and all that stuff.

Is that too much to ask?

My son has autism.  We are so blessed to have friends, family, loved ones who support and encourage us.  He attends an amazing school in our city where he is getting great attention and services and he’s doing the best be can.  Mentally he’s where he needs to be.  Physically he’s close to where he needs to be.  Socially he’s behind and verbally he’s pretty far behind.

I know I shouldn’t complain…but it’s times when I’m in the store or watching TV or whatever and I see a dad and son talking and I get angry and sad and think, “I want that!”

I want to tell my son to “STOP TALKING”…I can’t even imagine that.

I want to try and explain crazy questions like “Daddy, does God go to the bathroom?” and all those bizarre questions that kids through out at their parents.

He has come a long way.  Maybe in time he will be spontaneous with his speech.  Maybe he will begin to initiate conversations about random things–not just when he wants a drink or is hungry.

I want to talk to him and ask him about stemming…I want to ask him what he sees and how he sees the world.  It has to be fantastic…I would love for him to be able to express how he views things vs. how typical people might view things.

I doubt that will ever happen–he’d have to have an understanding of how typical people view things first…and I doubt that’s all that easy.  But it would be cool wouldn’t it?

I want to talk to him about his friends.  What kind of games does he play at school?  What did he learn in class?  What is he interested in?

Buying Christmas presents for my son is very hard because he can’t express to us what he wants…”do you want this?” we ask…and maybe he’ll understand but he can’t answer the question “What would you like for Christmas?”

It’s not fair that a 6-year-old can’t tell you what they want for Christmas…just sucks.

So if I get to stand in line and wait to sit on Santa’s lap and give him my Christmas wish…that’s it.  I want to have a long conversation with my son…and world peace.

Seth/Melanie Fowler

Authored, Look at my Eyes, a parent's perspective re: navigating autism-early intervention, insurance, treatments, a paradigm of a family & child with autism