I am the mayor of Fail today.
I left a note with Nathan’s school that he is to be picked up by me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now, this morning, I told him that he was going on the bus to his afterschool program. My after school program had an early release, so I figured, no problem. Right?
He said he wanted to go home, I told him if he did I can come and get him but he decided he wanted to go to his program. The school managed to get him there (EEESH!), but I was thankful that they did. I called him at 5:30 and told him I was on my way.
He was a little miffed I was late, but he was happy non the less. We came home and I was feeling blue, more blue than I usually am, almost emo in an uncool I’m not 20 years old anymore way. It’s that particular time of the month, it’s almost a full moon, I think I have ghosts in my basement. No that’s not a typo. And things are very much up in the air in regards to my recent interview and potential promotion. I get that quiver in my voice when I’m about to cry. I explained to Nathan why I was sad, how I felt that I had let him down and that I didn’t mean to forget and I’m not a bad mother and I am nervous about what the future is.
You know what that little punim said? That amazing empath?
That ubersmart kid?
What I learned today was that I can visit Fail. But I don’t live there. I live another day having gleaned more self awareness and knowledge. And I didn’t eat my atomic weight in Trader Joe’s Spicy Black Bean Dip.