Noonday Meltdown
I woke up to my mama laying beside me in my bed and quietly asking me if I wanted to go shopping. My kitty came in and said hello before I even got my eyes open. It was peaceful and wonderful and my favorite way to wake up.
I ambled into Mom’s room and laid on her bed with the cat for a while. Then I headed downstairs and woke up.
Sometime during the morning (er, I woke up at noon…), the mail came. I got my new (purple) Medic Alert bracelet (I got a sponsorship and therefore didn’t have to pay anything!) and my test results from the doctor. If you’re curious, the results explain that while some of my adaptive skills are average, in other areas (social, communication, work, and I forget what else) I function as a person with mild-moderate intellectual disability. I’m still trying to get a full scale score, and I’ll let you know what tale it tells when I do get it. The GADS says that it’s “highly likely” that I have Asperger’s and “possible” that I have autistic disorder. This round of testing went with Asperger’s as a diagnosis.
Mom talked on the phone to my sister, who, as it turns out, has an old iPod Touch laying around. I think it’s actually her husband Matt’s. Anyway, they will bring it in August, and I can use it as a TTS device… yay!
After some hang out time with the kitty and my new doll, it was time to go to the uniform store. Since I only work 3 days a week, my boss says I only need one uniform. Except that when I move out I’ll only be able to do laundry weekly, so Mom says I need 3 uniforms. She was happy to buy them for me, and therefore get me the kind with elastic in the waist instead of drawstring, so we headed to the uniform store.
While there, we found cool white nursing shoes without ties that are extra comfortable and special moisture-wicking socks too. Now I can have special work socks and shoes that can live in the basement while at home and thus not give Elsie any kitty diseases that I pick up on my shoes/clothes while at work. Overall, just a good idea.
After the uniform store we went to Borders (bookstore), where I ordered Temple Grandin’s The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. I’m excited for that and hope it’s helpful. She personally recommended it to me in her letter, so it’s high time I got around to reading it.
The pet store was next to the Borders, so of course we had to go in to check on my cat from work that is up for adoption there. Henry Lynn is gray and white and 3 years old, kind of chubby, and very talkative. I told the employee that I worked where I do and that Henry Lynn was one of my cats, and she surprised me by saying, “Would you like to see her?” She got her out of her cage and let us play in the little room with Henry Lynn for 20 minutes! It was so good to see one of my kitties (Henry is a favorite) that I haven’t seen in 2 weeks!
We shopped at a department store for a bit (acquirings there include a wooden puzzle I got for Mom, cause she loves them, and a new Lydia- (comfort) and Mom- (style) approved outfit for me. It’s nice (albeit rare) when we can both be happy with what I’m wearing.
Then, it was time to go to church. I always get a little anxious before church because it’s loud, and I knew I didn’t have my earplugs in my purse. I was super thirsty and asked Mom if we could stop for a cold drink. The only place to stop was the grocery store. This is where the problem happened. I went in with $1.50 to get a 20-oz diet soda. First, a man yelled at me when I accidentally cut in line. Then, the soda was $1.59. I tried to put it back, but the cash register started beeping like crazy, so I hit “cancel sale” and it said, “Help is on the way” a million times and wouldn’t shut up, but after 5 minutes, no help had come. I was so overwhelmed I started crying, left the soda and the machine, and ran out to the car. I told Mom how much I hate grocery stores, as if she didn’t know. I told her I’d just wait and get water at church, that there was no way I was going back in there.
I hate how a simple thing can ruin a whole day of fun for me. I try to recover fast, but it’s not easy. I get out of sorts so quickly. I ended up getting my soda at the gas station (much smaller, quieter, easier to navigate), and church was good, but I still feel funny from the grocery store incident.
I’m trying to channel Leigh here. “Don’t let one person/thing ruin your fun.” That’s what she would say, and once reminded I’m usually pretty good at it, but melt downs sure to get in the way.
Sounds like I need a puzzle and my kitty and a good night’s sleep, and I’ll wake up happy again tomorrow. Let’s hope so.
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I have finally gotten that down… Don’t let one little thing ruin all the fun. It’s taken a long time to get to that point where I can redirect myself back to being ok.
Sometimes you have to just MAKE yourself do things in spite of the feeling like you want to run away crying too. Stop, breathe, and think. (Forget stop, drop, and roll… that only works when your clothes are on fire… LOL) Now that you’re finished with that grocery store incident… look at it again. Think about possible other solutions to the problem. Could you have asked someone for a dime? Could you have gone and looked for the attendent? Next time, could you skip the automated check out and go to a person running the register? There are lots of different ways to handle things.
I know you don’t like to speak. (I don’t either, but it is a necessity for getting by in this world.) You CAN push yourself past that mental block. What got me past some of it was joining a drama team and learning to act. I spent five years doing that and it helped a whole lot. I wasn’t the best at it. I would get stage fright and lose my lines, so I didn’t really perform a whole lot, but I remember the one time I really took on the roll I was playing and shocked everyone. It felt good. I was playing the director of a film and had to shout a lot… totally out of character for me, but I pulled it off and felt so proud of myself. If you have a way to get involved in theater stuff, even if you just take a class or two, I would highly recommend it… and DO the excersizes they have you do… push yourself out of your comfort zone and eventually those things will become easier. They do not come easier by avoiding them.