I hate to admit this, but I carry around a quite a bit of guilt. All the time.
I know it’s not really necessary, because I can’t help the way I am, but the thing is that I know I’m more difficult than the average girl. I know I require more from those who love me. That I take more patience. That I’m flat out harder to love.
Once I asked Mom if she wouldn’t rather have a second regular girl than me, and she said some to the effect of, “NO WAY!” She wants me, and no one else.
But there’s something I desperately want to hear from those closest to me. I know that by putting this out there, they might now tell me exactly what I want to hear. But because I told them I want to hear it, it sort of takes away the meaning, doesn’t it? Oh, well. I’ve thought about it, and I’m just going to put it put there anyway.
I want to hear, “You’re worth it.” Yes, you’re more difficult at times, but you’re also kinder, more genuine, and more innocent, more something. Maybe it’s not true. Or maybe it’s supposed to be obvious and I should already know it. The thing is, I don’t know. But I do wish.