Your Autistic Child and the Condescension of the Professional
What is the issue that bothers a parent the most in dealing with professionals and their autistic children? For me it happens to be when I am treated like a spectator in my child’s life. I wonder where in school these professionals learn to denigrate the parents and their perspectives. Is there a special class that they take or is it something secretly handed down from one generation to the next, much like the Ten Commandments. What does the scenerio look like? Does a mentor one day, say to an apprentice, “Come into the club, you have to know how to tell the parents that they are ineffectual and know nothing about their child. Here is how we make them feel useless so we can do what we think is best, since parents are just parents and really know nothing about how to raise their offspring.” What part of the secret handshake invovles this self-righteous, self-important, condescending crap?I know in my case, I helped my child go from PDD-NOS to getting As in college, despite the professionals who lied to us about his progress or told us he could not accomplish anything because of his autism. Needless to say, there have been threats of legal action throughout the years, not as much as some have had to implement, but I do find that my law degree does come in handy once in awhile.
This past year, I worked hard to create a program that so far has helped his self-esteem, and taught him life skills that he was supposed to be taught in high school. Now someone in the College comes to me and tells me again that they have a program for my son but that they are not going to let the parents be involved. Excuse Me ! Who do they think they are? I am supposed to hand over my child to people I do not know, have no knowledge about, just because they say I should? Just because they took a course, which by the way is the same class I took. I don’t think so. Not ever again.
So I wrote an email to the disability director and told her that I want to see the college coaches resumes. I want to know how extensive is their work in the autism field. I want to be involved in the process completely and that there already is a program for my son and they are merely a small part of the program not the arbitors of his future. That if they want to work with us and the rest of his team that already exists they can, but they are not going to control the outcome. My son is not an experiment anymore. No more will I relinqish my child to so-called professionals.
Colleges like to tell you that your child is an adult. Don’t talk to me how he is an adult, if he was an adult, ready to take on the world, then he wouldn’t need this support. Adulthood is not just being 18 and getting a credit card. Adulthood is being able to navigate the adult world without ruining your life. Adulthood is being able to make choices that make sense and preparing yourself for the outcome. When he can do that he is an adult and I will accept that he does not need me looking over his shoulder. That is not the case now. So no professional had better come to me and tell me its no longer my business what happens with him.
I will tell them where to put their condescending, self-righteous, self-important attitude. They had better change that secret handshake.
Until next time,
Elise
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The purpose of this blog is to document the practical and realistic approach taken over the decades to help our two sons grow, and develop in order become all that they are entitled to become as human beings.
@aspergers2mom – I was not trying to be rude; you really did seem to miss the point though. I didn’t mean to say that my mother neglectfully did nothing for me. She chose to let me find my way more or less on my own, and I am not resentful at all. I was suggesting that it may be time for you to do the same for your own son.
Elise, thank you for bringing to light the frustration of parents working alongside professionals who think they know everything. I too have dealt with my share of autism “experts” who gave us very bad advice and ultimately failed my child. Sometimes I think these “experts” forget that we have know the child for his/her entire life — whereas they have known the child anywhere from a few hours to a few years.
Of course there are always kind, loving, positive people in our children’s lives. The people who heal us (in my experience) are those who are not only kind, but also open to learning from and with people on the autism spectrum.
Peace to you.
@freetheleafcutterants@xanga – Way to go! You did it and your mother was very supportive in helping you to be your personal best. Your thankfulness and success must make her a very happy and proud mother!
I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome at 7. My mother let me navigate through my own miserable childhood. She raised me to be independent. She went so far as not to interfere at all with my decisions about where to go to college and what to study; I’m not sure a majority of parents of “normal” children have done the same. I don’t think I can thank her enough.So maybe your son doesn’t need all the support. Maybe you just want him to need it. Maybe the issue isn’t about your son as much as it is about you.