School Planning- Old and New: College, Teaching Aides and Autism
As any family with a child on the autism spectrum knows, the school year actually begins sometime in the summer. That is the planning for the upcoming year begins around August 1.
This of course, does not include the IEP conferences that we all have to work on with the school districts. I am referring to the independent planning that has to be done. Such as:
- creating new social stories to help our children prepare for the end of summer in order to preempt the transition meltdowns that accompany anything new
- making sure that the medications are up to date and still effective, especially if your child happened to have a six inch growth spurt over the summer
- buying new school supplies and hoping that the teachers don’t ask for anything that cannot be dealt with- like a child who cannot carry the huge binders, use the smaller pencils, paper clips and thinner ruled paper, or even the simple request of one type of binder that your low muscle toned child cannot open and close properly (surely to lead to embarrassment one day when you are not there to help)
- lining up the tutors, speech therapist, OTs, psychotherapist, social skills classes, neurologists, gastroenterologist, endocrinologist and of course just the good old dentist
Then a new project has ensued for us, finding someone to support our college son in class. It really is not as easy as it sounds. You would think that finding a graduate student studying special education would jump at the chance to blue ribbon their resume. Well not so. We put out an add in the graduate school listserv and actually out of hundreds of students got one reply. Luckily it seems that she will work out, but we will have to see. She has her own children and their needs come first for her. So where does that leave us or rather our son?
I really do not know. I had a meeting with the disability director at the college, who is a big supporter of my son, and I asked her how do you know when he can go himself? I said he is nineteen years old and needs to be allowed to grow. She countered with it has to be fair to him. OK fair to him, but how is it fair to him that no one talks to him because he walks around with a babysitter? How does it help him socially when he comes with a chaperon? How does he gain respect in the classroom if there is someone there to constantly oversee him like a small child? My husband made a joke the other day, about him taking an aide along on his honeymoon. It really wasn’t a funny joke but rather one fraught with fear.
Yes, he has anxiety. Yes, he asks too many questions. Yes, he has a phobia about bugs. Yes, he has problems, but he should not be infanticides because of it. I think instead the professors should understand that there is a student in their midst with issues and that they have to deal with it. That the hallowed halls of ivy should be just what they purport to be, bastions of thought and compassion and not just for some unnamed survivor in Africa or New Orleans, but compassion for the child in the seat second from your right with developmental disabilities.
Just because it has never been done, does not mean it should not be done. Just because a professor’s job description is changing doesn’t mean they should not be held accountable and join the 21st century. Just because they remember a different time, does not mean those times were good for all persons, Its why we as a society grow, change and develop. It’s why civil change can be so uncivil.
Hopefully, we will have support for our son, and everything will work itself out. Otherwise he goes on his own and the bastions of thought and compassion are going to be put to the test. We will see just how 21st century the hallowed halls of ivy really are.
Until next time,
Elise
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The purpose of this blog is to document the practical and realistic approach taken over the decades to help our two sons grow, and develop in order become all that they are entitled to become as human beings.
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Hi,
It was a very nice article! Just want to say thank you for the information you have shared. Just continue writing this kind of post. Thanks.
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<td class=”xl64″ align=”left” height=”20″ width=”64″><a
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Online
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Speech Writing
I went to college as an Aspie who didn’t know it. I made a “fool” of myself more than a few times in grade school and college by asking the wrong questions… like in seventh grade science class, “If you cut off the circulation to your head, will it go numb?” (Obviously you pass out, but the question was meant to be like, would you feel the pins and needles like feeling you do with your hand or foot? Stupid class laughed at me and would not let me explain what I meant any further.) In a college Bible class, I made a comment that had the teacher end up calling me, “Dr. Kavorkian” (sp?) and got laughter from the entire class… who also would not let me explain further.
I was the odd ball out any where I went. Now I have my husband, whom I met there, actually. I watch him for cues. If I don’t get something, I can sign to him that I don’t get it… most of the people we hang out with don’t know what I’m doing, and he can say something that will clarify without embarrassing me. (I use the sign language for “what?” quite often.) He also knows the look I get when I’m completely baffled… and he’ll explain. (I also cheat and play with my phone a lot, googling figures of speech or slang that I don’t understand.) Oh, I’ve laughed at people quite often too… because they’ll use a figure of speech that I will take literally and crack up about… earning me more funny looks.
I learned a lot through mistakes and being made fun of, and teased. It hurt then, but I’m glad for it now. I’ve learned to recognize inappropriate responses. Like it’s not usually appropriate to crack up laughing when the preacher is talking on Sunday morning and says, “People literally become vehicles of God’s love…” Yeah… the pastor of my old church used the word “literally” in the wrong context more often than not… leading to some very hysterical pictures in my head. Being a very visual / conceptual thinker… right… I got some horrifying pictures too, like when he said, “Literally rip the love out of your heart” or this song by Leslie Phillips that said, “Put your heart in me, take this heart out of me.” and all the talk about the blood of Jesus… yeah, I had quite a traumatic childhood, early teen existance… even understanding the concept of a figure of speech didn’t stop the pictures.
Thing is, it’s possible to learn and grow. I’ve done it mostly on my own. I’ve had to find ways to help myself because Aspergers was unheard of when I was a kid… and nobody would have ever said that a kid with a college level vocabulary at age nine or ten was autistic. I’m trying to help my ten year old son learn things on purpose that I learned on accident and through repeated mistakes and failures.
Believe in your son. Life isn’t fair. Every person on this planet is gifted differently. Some have to work harder to make their gifts shine through their weaknesses. Fair? Nope. Possible? Absolutely. You can help by believing that he can do it. You can help by being the safe person to ask questions. I remember one day my husband, then fiance, had this conversation where I asked him to explain every inuendo that I was too afraid to ask the other people in my life. I got one heck of an education that day… and a whole lot of stuff suddenly made a whole lot of sense. Now there’s google and urban dictionary for that sort of thing… but I didn’t have access to it back then.
It’ll be alright.