For the Fearless Parents
Today we are discussing my son’s grades and I would like you fearless parents to chime in and tell me what you think! Pass this around and share it. The more input the better.
As many of you know, my son was recently in the hospital for a week because of suffering psychosis that made him hallucinate and hurt himself. It made him rage at everyone around him and I say “suffering” because I mean it. He also hated himself for it. He blamed himself for it. He didn’t understand what was happening to him.
Now there’s still plenty he know he could have accomplished if he put himself to it, but it was random when he did.
All that being said, we have rules about bringing home an F. There still must be consequences for consistency. The main area of consequence that seems to hit home is losing his DS, and computer games. He is obsessed with his DS to the point that he incorporates video game play into everything he does. A common autistic trait, actually. And he doesn’t go completely out of control without his DS. At this point he seems to want to do what’s right to earn it back.
Here are his grades:
Conduct: F
Reading: B
English: F (this is the class where most of his rage seems to come out but is slowing down now)
Spelling: B
Writing: Unsatisfactory (not because of difficulties but raging and refusing to even try)
Math: D
Social Studies: A
Science: C
We know he can do this.
So here’s the rub.
The current vote is that he loses his DS until his next report card. He has to show us that his grades are improving and are no longer Fs or Ds. That’s 6 weeks. I wouldn’t have too much problem with that if it weren’t for the fact that he had to be hospitalized.
So I have two counter ideas and want honest input (no put downs please!):
A: Cut the punishment down to 2 weeks flat.
B: Use his conduct grade. We get review of his conduct grade once a week. I could hold back his DS until his conduct grade shows up at least a B. That alone could take three weeks, but would give him something shorter term to aim at.
I have nothing against disciplining my child, I just don’t want to use a wrecking ball to drive a nail. I will also say that it is easier said than done. So what are your thoughts my friends? Please chime in and share!
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I’d definitely make it a short term goal. Six weeks is a long time for any kid to remember inappropriate behaviors and the goal they’re working towards. I’d say talk to the teachers. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to give you and update on his grades sooner than the six weeks. What grade is he in? Would making it a making it a weekly or daily goal work better for him? Maybe something along the lines of if you attempting to do his work/no major problems he can play X amount of time on the DS and then at the end of the six weeks he gains the DS back full time.
You should talk to the teachers and figure out what they can do and what you can do as well. I see that he’s really good in social studies, you might want to talk to the social studies teacher and find out what he/she is doing. 🙂
Discipline is always an art with our special kids. I’d say go with his conduct grades- but ask the teachers in the classes he’s failing to give you just a weekly report- is he on an upward trend, or not. If he’s trying and moving it up, he gets the DS. Otherwise, no.