The Miracle That I Waited So Long To Feel

Albert Einstein once said, “There are two ways to live. One, as thought nothing is a miracle, and the other, as thought everything is a miracle.”  I have this saying on my refrigerator, and I look at it every day to remind me of the miracle of my son, Jare.  Sometimes miracles are so obvious, and sometimes they are so small and subtle.

What is miraculous about Jare is he came to this world to teach me about quiet courage, compassion, and forgiveness.  If he had been born a typical child, I would not have been given this gift.

This blessing did not come without a price.  I came from a loving, yet dysfunctional family situation, where addiction and depression were prevalent. And, after my son was born, spiraled into a post-partum depression that threw my world as I knew it out of control. How could I, the straight A student, the fearless young woman who would defy her past, live in the big city, do everything different than what was done before, and be supermom be straddled with such a jolt, such a nightmare? And then, once Jare was identified with having some developmental challenges, was my depression to blame? Now, I was not only depressed, but guilt washed upon my soul like a tsunami.

I did what any loving parent would do; jumped into therapies, research, interventions, networking, and loving and accepting the situation, even if those closest to us were unable. And, it wasn’t until much later, that I knew the incredible son, whose soul was so ahead of its’ time, whose observations about the world, so honest, so raw, whose ability to love and accept without judgment was unwavering, was my lesson about life: forgiveness, and looking beyond the material and physical world.

He is my world of unconditional love, and of a higher power.  Jare is my “guidepost”, and I am the student, reading the signs.

There are challenges now.  He is an adolescent, and some kids can be cruel to those who are not on par with them socially.  His peers are not always at level to appreciate the “quirks” as gifts the way that I do.  But I am certain that he will, in the future, be a “teacher” to one of them, and they will experience the small miracle that Einstein was talking about.  The miracle that I waited so long to feel.

* Stories From the Heart is an ongoing series of user contributed heart warming stories, that shine light on the Autism experience

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