From A Special Needs Dad: I’m Angry
I’m going to be very open and honest about my feelings in this post. I’m extremely frustrated, angry and overwhelmed right now because Gavin is making things even more complicated.
I spoke with the school today and it turns out that what Gavin was saying about falling asleep in martial arts every day wasn’t true.
The only time Gavin had an issue was yesterday. That issue was simply being tired but not sleeping.
Gavin claims that his teacher wasn’t paying attention but Gavin was standing in the very front row. He was literally in front of his instructor and that was done so that he could keep and eye on Gavin.
I’m so angry with Gavin because we have been catching him exploiting his health issues and our concern for him, in order to get out of doing things or get attention.
He’s putting us in an incredibly difficulty position and he’s doing it on purpose.
We spoke with Dr. Patti tonight about this and she agrees this is obviously a problem. In fact, he did it again while we were with Dr. Patti and we caught him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s becoming more and more clear that Gavin needs to end removed from the house.
I love Gavin, I really do but I’m so, so sick of this.
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Many children, autistic and non-autistic alike, lie to their teachers and parents. Sometimes it’s done out of fear or out of laziness or out of a wish to be exempt from duties. This is not an autistic thing but a kid thing. I am not proud to say that as a child I used to lie all the time and in the end was sent to several therapists about the problem. In the end- at the unfortunate late age of seventeen- I just outgrew the problem. Up to that point however, it was a difficult time for my parents.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to raise several autistic children. It must be hell and I’m sure your frustration has reached points that I can only quiver in fear to imagine.
That being said, may I please urge you to reconsider removing your child from the household? Such a move may leave him with permanent emotional scars. Removing a child from a household is only done if the child represents a CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER TO OTHER MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLD! If a child is sexually molesting or abusing another child, setting fire to things or making fake phone calls alleging child abuse to the police then yes, a disruption needs to be considered. In this case however Gavin is posing no danger to other members of the family. He’s just lying. Lots of children do it, many not even on the spectrum.
Treat Gavin the same way you would treat a non-spectrum child who is lying. If Gavin has the emotional intelligence to lie, he has the emotional intelligence to know when he’s being punished. Deny Gavin privileges, put him in his room during times when he’s not at school, deny TV and deserts and maybe set a time limit where Gavin will stay in his room while not in school for three days for every lie he tells. Still, talk to his psychologist about appropriate punishments.
Removing Gavin from your household is too harsh. He has done nothing to put you or other members of your family in danger. He is just lying. All children do this. It’s a difficult phase, but it’s not worth breaking up a family.
I have the same problem.., of what your son is going through..,I have a learning disbility…, and I go to a therapist every week!!!
I wish you had talked more about his past behavior more. It definitely sounds frustrating, and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with so much.
Is there any sort of temporary care center he can go to? Maybe if he realizes that if he lies about important things like health concerns he’ll end up being separated from you.
I hope things straighten out and get easier for you. It sounds like you could use some slack in your life.
maybe it’s time you treat him more like a normal kid. maybe you’re over-pampering him (more than his autistic needs) and that gets him frustrated… even kids can understand and feel like they’re being patronized or thought of as more stupid or less capable than they actually are
Keep your head up 🙂
Every day is an opportunity to live out God’s amazing grace!
I wish I knew more about your situation or the history of Gavin’s behavior. Obviously, he is diagnosed on the autistic spectrum, but that’s about all I feel safe assuming.
I work with kids who have behavioral/emotional problems and I can tell you that many of them take advantage of the enormous kindness shown to them by adults. Many times they are not left accountable for their behavior, and so it escalates, complicating their disabilities even more. Sometimes it is assumed that having a disability automatically makes someone fragile and helpless, when in fact this is not often the case, and becoming an enabler for inappropriate behavior further diminishes the child’s abilities, handicapping them even more. All children need discipline and standards of conduct in their lives in order to grow.
Only you know your limits. I see in your profile that you have 3 autistic sons and a sick wife. You are my hero, and I wish you well.
well, tell him it’s not going to get any easier. If he cries wolf, then he won’t get help later when he needs it. It could also lead to people exploiting him by calling him a liar.