It shouldn’t have worked, but it did.
A few weeks ago in Vacation Bible School , Logan held up pretty well. He participated in most if not all of the activities and events. He didn’t seem stressed or disorganized when I picked him up in the afternoon. He even transitioned well on Wednesday when he had to leave to go to dyads when his crazy mom forgot to cancel it earlier.
Imagine my surprise on Friday when I was approached by his teacher at the closing ceremonies. She mentioned that Logan got upset during snack time about his watermelon falling on the floor. He angrily picked it up, threw it away then stormed out of the room. She couldn’t find him for a few minutes . He eventually returned to her . She proceeded to talk with him about how his example looked to his classmates.
This seemed to work for Logan. He is very on fire for God right now. He responded well to her telling him that everyone knows he is a Christian. He epitomizes the saying “If you believe it, live it.” He spends an inordinate amount of time reading his Bible . Everyone knows this because he is never without it. He carries it everywhere. This is not a bad thing EXCEPT when you don’t do such a great job handling yourself which in turn doesn’t glorify God. Non believers will look at your actions as well as your words when you preach the Gospel.
Now this could have backfired on her. Logan, as is common in children with autism, doesn’t necessarily see the perspective of others. This is a much higher skill than the level we are working on. There is absolutely no earthly reason that this approach should have worked. But it did. Later that evening , during our home Bible study time , we talked about it as well. He had a firm grasp on it then. We even talked about it in respect to a situation that I was going to be in the next day. He gave me advice on what he thought I should do.
This worked because God wanted it to work. He wanted to grow Logan in his walk with Him. He is going to use Logan in mighty ways. I have no doubt about that. If I did before this happened , I certainly don’t now. I am overwhelmed by the prospect of teaching Logan anything spiritual. God used this opportunity to teach me a lesson in obedience. Overwhelmed or not, I still need to teach him how to be a Spirit filled servant of Christ. I need to teach this by example and have faith that God will take care of the rest.
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@chefpenny – I’m not sure I could have understood grace as a kid… but then again, I grew up in a church that preached little but judgment. Even though my parents weren’t harsh, and probably showed me a lot more grace than I was able to recognize… that was it… I didn’t recognize it. I do remember a few things that stood out when I was a teenager though…
I’ve been trying with my own kids to show them what grace is by doing things I promised regardless of their behavior. If the promise was made not based on behavior, so it is kept not based on behavior… I make sure that I’ve told my kids straight out, “I am doing this because I love you, not because you earned it.” BUT there are other things that are definitely conditional. “You
don’t clean your room and the living room, your friends are NOT coming
in this house. End of story, no question, no argument.”
I think that’s kinda how God deals with us. He set certain things up as conditional… there are “IF you…, THEN I …” statements all over the Bible. Some of them just seem like “natural law” that works regardless of what God you believe in. The ones based on “If you love me…” were the hardest to understand though. That’s the stuff that has to be learned by doing, by watching. Love is defined by action. 1 Corinthians 13 blows me away every time I read it or think it through, I’ve got it memorized.
@keystspf@xanga – Thanks for your perspective. I certainly don’t want him to be a human doormat so I will be sure to watch it closely. I know that grace is a foreign concept to him so we are actively working on it. Thanks for giving me food for thought.
Can I speak from the perspective of a kid who was memorizing Scripture on her own at 6 years old? Can I speak from the perspective of a kid who grew up in church and took EVERYTHING so totally to heart that it sometimes caused physical pain?
Be careful. There is a whole lot of potential for confusion when experienced reality doesn’t line up with what we believe the Bible says should be reality. There’s a whole lot of potential for anger and judgement and misunderstanding because the literal minded Aspie grabs hold of the ideas and takes a LONG time to understand grace. Rules are easy, they are cut and dry and very appealing, and the Bible is FULL of them. People were disappointments to me because they couldn’t or wouldn’t BE what they said they believed. I also became SO focused on what other people might think of what I did or said or even thought that it became a source of fear, rather than simply a source of understanding or identifying with people.
The expectations of people, saying things like, “God has big plans for your life” and “Some day you’re going to be a great worship leader” and a whole host of other things… kept me from exploring and finding out who I really am for myself. I didn’t make any of the typical “teenager” mistakes. Aside from a bit of an attitude (because I believed they were all hypocrites) I was the model teenager. Didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, didn’t date, didn’t do this, didn’t do that…. and now I’m 32 and married and have kids… and I am facing issues that could have been so much easier to deal with had I made those mistakes as a kid.
Now, I feel like a total rebel because I want to do things that the church I grew up in would have frowned on… and really only one of them is “bad” even by the world’s standards. I guess what I’m saying is don’t let fear of what others might think be the way you or anyone else controls your son’s behavior… you’ll turn him into a human doormat… that’s what happened to me, and now I’m fighting like hell to grow out of it.
Interesting. Best of wishes.