He’s Back!

Oh my… So much to stay and no clue where to start.  But that’s a good thing right?  The last four months have been pretty busy in this little household.

We struggled a lot over the winter months with the kiddo.  His behavior and mental state was sliding backwards at rapid pace.  In desperation I called a specialized psychiatric facility in a city two hours away begging for help.

And help came. Oh boy did help come…  The kiddo was to the point where he was bleeding daily from scratches he inflicted to his face.  He was constantly biting himself.  Always upset.  The slightest thing in the wind would set him off.  He didn’t see the future.  He was convinced he was going to die.  I didn’t know what to do.  I cried.  A lot.  Where was my happy boy?

The call to the Autism Unit changed everything.  I called in mid-February but I had to wait over a month for an appointment.  I was hoping for sooner but I was taking what I could get.  On a Friday not even a week later I received a call from them, they had a cancellation for that Monday, did I want it?  Oh, hell yeah!  I got off work and we were on our way!

The appointment was just a starter appointment so to speak, nothing more than an intake but the psych we met with took two hours to thoroughly go over everything with us.  Every last little bit of history, every issue, every thing.  They set us up with an appointment to meet with the psych he was going to see for med management.  I felt pretty good after that.  FINALLY someone was listening to me.  Someone was actually HEARING what I had to say.  Someone was going to HELP.

About 4 weeks ago, we traveled the two hours to meet with this psych.  He was AMAZING.  He actually spoke to the kiddo, on his level, one on one, and LISTENED to him even when he went off on a story tangent.  Truly listened.  Grandma went with us and between us and the kiddo we were able to cover and remember everything we needed to.  This appointment was the best I have ever been to…
The scariest part of the whole thing was this:  The psych kept asking me the same question over and over and over.  He kept asking me what meds my son was on and at what dosage.  In the hour we were with him he asked at least five times.  It never really struck me why until the end of the appointment.

He turned to me and said: I don’t know why your son is on those medications.  That is not what they are used for.  The side effect of the one is drowsiness but it’s not an actual sleep aid and the other medication is a secondary medication, it’s not used for what he’s using it for and it’s being administered wrong anyway to have any effect.

Umm… What???  So, basically the kiddo was placed on the WRONG meds at the WRONG schedule for the WRONG reasons and had been on these meds for almost two years causing him serious weight gain.

Well no wonder it wasn’t helping!!!!!  The psych up here in our hometown spent his time yelling at me because he really WAS incompetent and didn’t want me to do anything about it!

I rarely swear on here but jeebus that guy can seriously go fuck himself….  Anyone who is going to give a child the wrong stuff… Well, let’s say there’s a special place in the 9th circle of hell for their kind…. (He didn’t like me as it was because I told him he could essentially shove it every one of the 300 or so times he wanted to place the kiddo on Risperdal. NO THANKS!)

The new psych set up the kiddo on a new med schedule.  We started with the anxiety issue (to change only one thing at a time) and he was placed on a real anxiety medication.

Holy crap I can’t even tell you the turn around we saw….  He started smiling.  He started laughing.  He started playing.  For the first time in YEARS he wanted to go outside and play.  He told me he could see the future now (how low must he have felt to make that statement? :'( ).  I essentially have my kiddo back.  The kiddo I have not seen in FIVE YEARS.  I wish I was kidding.  I wish I was exaggerating.

I have my boy back.  I knew he was in there somewhere.  I knew it.  I had to fight, for years, to find someone to listen to me to get him back.  The school has noticed and his teachers tell me how much they love this new kiddo (they loved him before but this non-stop smiling kiddo is just so wonderful to see) and how well he’s doing.

He’s approaching people!  He’s introducing himself!  He’s engaging with his peers!  He thinks he’s the smartest kid ever!  He’s realized he CAN control his body!  He’s realizing that happiness really is possible!

I knew he was in there.  I couldn’t give up hope that someday we’d be able to pull him back out so he can be the fun loving kiddo we always knew he was.

We see the psych again on Friday.  I can’t wait to go.  Things can only go up from here.  Honestly, after this whole post anything else I have to share seems so small, so inconsequential that it just doesn’t matter.

The only thing that matters is that I have my kiddo back.  This summer promises to be a good one now.  Oh the things we can do!!

Other things that have happened? Well… Um… We went to visit his favorite aunt (Aunt C) for Easter and he didn’t perseverate on the house burning down or what would happen to the cats (how HUGE is that?!?!?!?!?!).  I’m less than two weeks from graduating with my Masters in Special Ed (I know right?!?).  And um… My house is actually clean.

Yeah.  None of that is nearly as exciting has the happy, playful, social-without-prompts, can-see-his-future-now, kiddo that has returned to me. 🙂

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Jessica Sailor
A single mom's journey through life with her Autistic son. Often a comedy of errors full of joys and tears.
Jessica Sailor


A single mom's journey through life with her Autistic son. Often a comedy of errors full of joys and tears.

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