As an actor and writer, I longed to achieve my creative peak – to be wholly consumed by my craft so I can interpret the words of the playwright and execute the vision of the director. I lived and worked on an artists’ colony in upstate New York and I was fortunate to work with some great artists in film, acting, music, visual arts and writing. I loved the artists who lived and breathed their art – every moment was an artistic achievement moment for them. They were volatile, expressive souls whose minds worked on a such a high level of productivity. They were always creating and it fascinated me. They were raw nerves – a current of creativity.
In college I worked for a noted art collector and was fortunate to meet some of the prominent new visual artists of the late 80s and early 90s. They all seemed to possess the world – every breath they took, every thought they had seemed to burst with a unique perception of the world.
I don’t consider myself to be great artist. But I always felt I was most happy and comfortable when I was working on a project. After a show, film or tv project ended I was lost – back to a harsh reality. I longed to be an artist 100% of the time – always creating, jumping from project to project, always working on my art. In my opinion, it was achieving nirvana.
I see my child always creating. Her life is one big artists’ colony. She is looking at the world through a different lens. She does not pause to lament how awful her life is — she is hungry for the next object or sound to fascinate her. Today she took my hand and led me to her room. We sat on her bed and watched a “movie” she made using cartoons from YouTube and overdubbing her voice over the dialogue. She embedded a soundtrack. She then put on a documentary about the making of Bohemian Rhapsody by the rock group, Queen. She watched about 10 minutes worth until she put on “Queen, Live at Wembley Stadium in 1986”. She woke the next morning and grabbed my iPhone so she could film her My Little Pony Dolls. After editing her movie, she printed out some coloring pages from the Nick, Jr. website and hung them up around the house. She arranged all her stuffed animals in a menagerie and made a tableau of her very tiny dolls. While arranging these scenes she played music in the background like a soundtrack.
It is when she is creating that the autism leaves her. She loves to show her work. She is proud of what she does. She is happiest when is in her artistic zone. I do not think she cares about accolades. She does it to satisfy her soul. She is the artist I wished I could be.