First of all, I think being a single mom of 2 boys is challenging in itself. You can’t have me without having my boys and Autism. It is so complicated. Here is another thing that makes me a liability and not an asset. Then if the guy wants kids with me when he faces the increased chance of having an autistic child as well. When I look at things from this end, it makes me think no guy in his right mind would want to be with me and then possibly marry me!
So this weekend, my (ex) husband did not take the kids like he was supposed to because of an emergency at work. First of all David and I hardly get time to ourselves because I have full custody of the boys and dickhead lives more than an hour away. So we had to change our plans, and David honestly didn’t seem to mind. We did stuff with the boys, swimming, grilling, fishing, shopping and had friends over..basically all your noodle salad stuff. good times…But Harry my oldest with Autism was really acting out, every chance he got he would fight with his little brother, and talk nasty to me, and argue with everyone and then finally Sunday early evening he had a huge meltdown in public (now this is the 2nd meltdown in public David has seen) This one was bad everyone was staring at us. So when we got home, I just broke down and started crying. I am so stressed with raising my boys by myself and then having to worry about what the guy I am seeing things. I figure he is just gonna leave and what’s the point. I tell David this and tell him I am really upset and he should just leave. Why stick around for this. I mean the father my boys couldn’t even stick around and lives far away on purpose. So why does a man who has no relation want to stick around??? It’s all very depressing and sounds like shit, but let’s face it, what I am saying here is true.
Do you know what David said?
“Come here, let me hold you. Everything will be ok. We will get through this together. I love you and want to help but I don’t know how. I want you to be happy. I want to stay because I love you and I love you even when things are difficult.”
Afterwards, he took me to dinner and we came back and talked, smoked and made love for hours.
I felt better afterward. Just like I was surprised he stayed last week when I practically threw up on him…Maybe he really does love me..
I wonder how other single parents with autistic children handle dating and what kinds of experiences they have good and bad.