Isolated, Alone, Frustrated
I have been feeling pretty isolated lately. Sam and Nate are at each others throats every time I take them anywhere , so leaving the house with everyone just isn’t an option really. My teens have been sulky and have not wanted to help much lately. I am 35+ weeks pregnant and feeling very stressed. Grace has been super clingy as well. My house is a mess because I just cant get it done anymore. Dan is stressed trying to work two jobs, so I can’t really talk to him about anything , because well, he has enough to deal with on his own right now.
I feel isolated, alone, and frustrated. I hate feeling this way. Its hard for me to do bedtime, dinner clean up, next day prep, homework with Sammy, nurse grace to bed, and write. That’s a good day. Add to that behaviors for Sammy, wrestling matches, practice, Nate, Sam and Grace missing daddy and it’s a recipe for a nervous breakdown. I feel like all my time is spend worrying about everyone but me. It makes me feel like I am completely isolated , which makes me feel sad, which makes me feel selfish, which makes me feel guilty.
It’s hard to give 100% all the time, even when you don’t want to. I acknowledge that this is what I have chosen for my life and as a result I need to suck it up and just keep going. I just can’t figure out how I am going to be able to keep my head down and push forward when Squish gets here. I have to find time to make some freezer meals, find a place for another baby dresser, and get everything all set for when I am in the hospital having baby.
It’s times like this that all I have to lean back on is my faith. I truly believe that as crappy as things are right now, it will get better and it will be OK. I am so grateful that I am able to hold fast to the help and love of Jesus through all of this, because if I didn’t have that, I likely wouldn’t be here. It would have ended many years ago at Jones Beach. If it weren’t for my faith , the love of God, an angel, and a miracle, I wouldn’t be here writing. Sam, Nate, Grace, and Squish would not be here.
I am just grateful tonight that no matter how dark it gets right now, it will never be as dark as that afternoon on Jones Beach.
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Sam, Nate, teens (2+), and one coming very soon. I assume you have at least 5 kids? That would stress anyone.
Be strong, and I hope everything goes well for you,
Life is rough some days for sure, hang in there.
(Hugs) I was a lonely stay home mommy for years. Now I choose to be that way. It will pass and those times alone with your small kids are short. As for teens they will balk every-time to help. You just need to lay down the law a bit. I do. It seems your being mean when actually you are training them to be adults. 🙂 Hang in there. Things will fall into place and if not it is what it is and celebrate you.