The Unsent Holiday Letter
I was undecided about sending out holiday cards at all this year. 2012 has been a particularly difficult year for me personally and the thought of stuffing a hundred or so envelopes with a picture of our smiling faces seemed a bit like a lie. No way was I going to be able to write a cheery holiday letter to go with it. For me, this year has been filled with bouts of depression and anxiety. I’ve been daunted and overwhelmed by the task of parenting our teenager, our son on the spectrum, and our very feisty, strong-willed Kindergartener.
The spring was filled with conflict and teenage rage from Molly. And the difficulty of raising a child on the autism spectrum is a constant source of anxiety and exhaustion. Our days are filled with reminders of how to behave appropriately without outbursts or meltdowns, social stories, and trying to get Henry to try things outside his “Kansas” (his comfort zone). Summertime found me most days in my van running kids from two different summer camps and summer school all the while trying to complete an abundance of work that was coming my way at my at-home medical transcription job. We also learned that we would be losing our beloved respite care provider, Maya, to graduate school in the fall.
My job had many ups and downs this past year as well. There was always a question as to whether I would have a job or not. Would they outsource to a larger company in preparation to transition to electronic medical records or would they decide to keep us on due to the very high volume of work they were bringing in with no plan in place for the EMR transition? This fall the questions were answered when after 6 years with them, they gave notice that my position would be eliminated. Panic about our tight financial situation getting even tighter consumes me.
And then December 14th happened. The Sandy Hook tragedy. On that day too, a dance-friend of Molly’s lost her 2-year battle with cancer. Just 4 days before that amazing, incredible young woman’s 15th birthday. I couldn’t log on to Facebook or even watch the news. It all hit way to close to my heart and I just couldn’t bear it. This past week has found me trying to cope. Trying to process these recent horrific events. And as such events usually do, to re-evaluate our own lives and relationships.
Through it all, Grant, as always, is the rock of the family. The cornerstone of our tribe. “We are OKAY. It will all work out. Look how far we’ve come!”
I want to believe that. I have to believe that. Down deep I know he is right.
This past year has brought amazing growth and maturity for Henry. Meltdowns are few and far between. Outbursts are lessening as well. We have conversations….back and forth…that HE initiates! He volunteers information about his day more often. HE chose to try Boy Scouts this fall and likes to wear his Tiger Cub uniform. He graduated from the additional literacy help he was needing in just a few months and he is up to speed with his mainstream 1st grade class. His unique personality continues to change and emerge and it is breathtaking.
Despite Lucy’s recent testing of the boundaries of Kindergarten, she too is maturing. She’s so very bright. Her exuberance and quick wit take us often by surprise. As the “baby” of our brood she lives up to that third-child stereotype of being the clown, the entertainer, the comedian. May the Higher Powers help us all!
One of the things that has really brought me much joy this year has been watching Molly transition into high school with amazing maturity and ease (relatively speaking, of course). I’ve never seen her so excited about anything as she is about marching band! It brings tears to my eyes just to see her enthusiasm and natural talent for this! Our high school has an amazing music program and Molly is taking to all of it. It’s brought me such happiness that Molly has accepted my involvement in the parent booster group and I am thrilled that she allows me to share in this amazing experience with her! I feel a connection again to our oldest!
For me personally, I am meeting new people and establishing new relationships with fun and interesting folks as I continue to pursue sustainable income. I’m enjoying the holiday retail season more than I thought I would as I’ve taken a seasonal job at a local Barnes & Noble. I’m surrounded by books and people who love books and reading as much as I do! This past year I’ve met and befriended writers/bloggers and authors that inspire me and encourage me to continue to write. I continue to speak one or two times a month at TouchPoint Autism Services to the new parents going through their ABA parent training program. Grant lends a never-ending supply of support, encouragement and love to our entire family!
Earlier this week I went ahead and stuffed those envelopes with our holiday card. On it is a picture of us taken of us this past summer at TouchPoint night at the Magic House. All five of us. Together. Smiling. The picture is not a lie. We are all healthy and TOGETHER. And that makes us HAPPY! And THAT is all that matters!
Wishing everyone a groovy Holiday Season and Peace in 2013!
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