A Break for Dads, Not Sensitivity Training
Autistic Like Me: A Father’s Perspective chronicles the journey of fathers who have children with ASD. The goal of the film is to get fathers to open up and become more engaged with their children. Although I understand the sentiment, and some men may go through the process of coming to terms with being the father of a child with autism differently than some mothers, I’d like to suggest that a critique of inadequate “engagement” may be somewhat lacking in understanding and fairness. Most fathers are so busy busting their hump trying to bring in enough money to pay for the crushingly expensive cost of autism treatment, and working overtime to be effective advocates in fighting for their children’s rights, that their energy is completely spent by the time they come home each evening.
Research indicates that often it is the mother who is the first to either work fewer hours or leave her career all together in order to take care of the child with autism. Consequently, there is often only one income remaining to support the family. One needs to remember that when there is a child with autism in the home, life can become a chronic crisis (yes, there is such a thing). Parents’ sleep is often radically disrupted — for years! — yet society still expects parents of children with autism to perform normally at work every day and function optimally like everyone else.
They don’t sell
Superman Pills at the local supermarket!The last thing for which many fathers of children with autism have energy, is to “interact,” particularly with a child who does not naturally interact back with them. Where autism is concerned, the deep dysfunction of the domicile is no small matter; professionals should be content that the family unit remains functioning and in tact! In its proper context, the notion of insufficient “engagement” on the part of the father is thoroughly trivial. Moreover, let’s not confuse cause with effect i.e., does a child with autism improve when a father becomes more engaged, or will a father become more engaged when a child’s autism starts to improve with effective, science-based treatment!
Here’s a proposed recipe for the film makers to help fathers come to terms with having a child with autism:
1) Show fathers the way to get their child access to a high quality,
early intensive behavioral treatment program2) Demonstrate the progress the child makes in an effective treatment program.
3) Provide the father with behavioral techniques required to allow them to engage meaningfully with their children
4) Tell them to go out there and bring home lots of money, since that is going to ultimately help their child get what’s required for health and well-being
5) Suggest that dad arrange a weekly night out for dinner alone with mom, where autism will be strictly forbidden as a topic of conversation
6) Advise them not to inherit tomorrow’s problems, since we do not know the child’s future until their full potential is realized
7) Get them involved with groups that advocate for the rights of their child. They will be able to work towards fixing the issue with the right group and, if necessary, the right lawyer.
It’s remarkable how easy it is for a father to come to terms with a child’s autism when the child is in an effective treatment program and he sees significant results! Let’s get more engagement with that idea.
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I love your final comment “It’s remarkable how easy it is for a father to come to terms with a
child’s autism when the child is in an effective treatment program and
he sees significant results! Let’s get more engagement with that idea.” Of course, this is true for everyone involved in the life of a child with autism! I find I’m often asked to fill out a survey or take part in a study and I’m glad that there is research that asks questions of the parents. About the 5th question in, I figure out that they are really not interested in helping children with autism. They want to study the parents or the caregivers – our psychology, our health our burdens, how we ‘feel’. Then they spend a whole lot of money to come up with conclusion that any autism parent would happily tell you for 15 minutes of respite and a cup of coffee. We have more stress, we worry more about our children’s futures and we are financially strapped from all the treatments insurance doesn’t cover. Well no s#*t Sherlock! How about putting your energy into treatments and programs for our kids? I guarantee you, it will result in us all ‘feeling’ much better.