Scattered Thoughts
So much has happened that I just have to write, even though I know my brain isn’t up to a nice, organized post. So I’m going to write, but it’s not going to be nice and organized. It’s going to be scattered.
First, I went to work last night. My mom said to go and keep my head down and do my job, and that’s exactly what I tried to do. I interacted with my boss as little as possible. She certainly wasn’t nice (at all) when she did talk to me, but she didn’t scream or anything either. I was so nervous to go that I actually took a Klonopin. It slowed my body down enough that I could manage the anxiety better. It slows my heart down, calms the nausea, and stops my hands from shaking. It’s a lot easier to control the mental aspects of anxiety when the physical aspects are controlled. I work Thursday (boss will be there) and Friday (boss won’t be there). I would really prefer to work 2 days rather than 3, but I’m too scared to approach my boss about it. She hired me to work 3 days, and so I’m afraid she’ll fire me if I can’t do what she hired me to do. I’ve decided that I’m going to try my best to adjust to 3 days, give it a few weeks, and see how I do.
Baby Corn got adopted, so he can’t be mine. While I’m upset, I realize that it means that God has a different cat in mind for me. I just hope that he’s in a good home.
My sister’s wedding was last weekend. Talk about a lot of social interaction in one weekend! Friday night, we did the rehearsal and then had a 4-hour-long rehearsal dinner. I came home and slept for 12 hours. Saturday, I woke up at noon and hurried to get ready to get to my sister’s hotel room. We helped her get ready (there were like 10 people in that little hotel room, mind you). Then we went over to the church (I rode in the limo!) and took pictures. We had the ceremony (yes, I got teary) and I did my reading, nice and loud and nice and slow. Then, we drove to the country club where we had the reception. We stood around with drinks (Diet Coke, for me) an appetizers, then we sat down and had dinner. Everyone danced (I don’t dance). We had a cookie table (a tradition around here), with upwards of a hundred dozen cookies. It was insane. I sat near the cookie table and read my book while everyone danced. My aunt brought me home before it was all over, because I was exhausted. There was a gathering at my sister’s dad’s house on Sunday, which I didn’t go to. I was absolutely done with people. Being home alone was glorious.
Well, that’s all I got for now. Sorry for the scatteredness. I know you don’t mind 🙂
*UPDATE: Mom called my boss. She asked her if everything was going okay, and Boss said I’m doing well. She said the only issue was with the cat class, and Mom explained that I often look like I’m not paying attention because I don’t make eye contact, but that really, I am. Boss said that other than a few little things that are to be expected, like being uncomfortable with the big dogs, I’m doing my job very well. Mom said that if she has any problems, to please call her instead of talking to me, because Mom knows how to communicate with me. Hopefully Boss sticks to that suggestion.
I feel so much better.
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