Is it ME?
We had a team meeting yesterday at Sammy’s school. We had some concerns about the behavior plan being used in Sammy’s classroom. After a very productive meeting I walked out feeling mixed emotions.
Before the meeting I was sick to my stomach, stressed and anxious. I wanted to put on my jammies and curl up on the couch. I wanted nothing to do with the meeting my husband had scheduled. I felt like I was going into battle. ( I wonder if this is how Sammy feels in the morning) This reaction to team meetings have nothing to do with the professionals at my sons school. It’s my baggage and that is a long story stemming from issues with my x-husband and his family.
The meeting went well, we are all in fact on the same page and we are very lucky to have such a loving and caring team.I still am not sure how I feel about the teacher but I can see she likes Sammy. Sammy is beginning to read and really just doing well in school this year academically…I think. I thought that last year and it turned out, he was doing great for Sammy just not great for a first grader.
His behavior at school has improved and the teacher assured me she is giving him plenty of leeway in the right places. He doesn’t act even nearly as bad at school as he does at home. Not.Even.Close.
So I left there and all I can think is “It’s me” It must be me, I must be doing something wrong to elicit this response from Sammy. I get all the anger, frustration and abuse. Meanwhile the school must either think I’m lying or crazy. They must think it’s me that I am a bad mother. That I am a failure. It’s my worst fears come true.
I am very careful to tell the truth even when it’s not pretty , even when I know I didn’t handle it well because I am not a liar. That I can control. I may be a failure, I may be doing it wrong. It may be me. I am living this life, no one else and I am the one doing battle each day. So when it comes down to it I have to live with myself everyday and I am doing the best that I can.
Share this:
Discover more from Autisable
Subscribe to get the latest posts to your email.
It’s not you, as in you’re doing NOTHING WRONG. My daughter acted the same way with the ratio tipping in favor of driving mommy nutso rather than the school. Then she started to act that way toward her teacher as well, and I learned from her psychiatrist that this is a symptom of being more comfortable in in environment and with a certain person than another.
Your son’s most familar environment and person he feels closest to are home and you. That’s all there is to it. You’re doing great, he’s happy at home, and believe me, once he feels the same level of comfort at school he feels at home, he’ll be going gonzo on them too!
Not that this is any real comfort to you…so yeah, I’m shutting up now.
Honestly, it’s not you. Kids always behave worse around their parents because they like to see how much they can push you. At school or around other relatives, they know they can’t behave in certain ways, but at home, believe me, they push you, even if they’re not on the spectrum. It’s just what kids do.
its not you – kids act WAY worse at home, autism or not, its just a fact :
don’t feel incompetent!
I just want to say, that’s it’s normal even for “normal” kids. They behave better for their aunts/ grandparents/ etc. you’re mom and they know how to test you. and they will test you. I’m not a mom, but I’m a child of one. My stepmom thinks it’s her too. and it’s not that, it’s just because she’s mom.
I just wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way. I struggle with my daughter, sure that it is HER DEFIANCE that is making things difficult. Tthen someone else sits down with her and she does just great. I think, to some extent, it’s part of just being mom. For whatever reason, we get to be the punching bags. I guess we can just be grateful that our kids have the potential of doing well, even if it’s not when they are working with us. 🙁