Put Your Thinking Caps On
I went to the amusement park with the HFA/AS group yesterday, and we really had a great group of people. There were 8 of us (until the rain let loose, and then there were 7) and we went from noon till the park closed at 10:30 PM. The leader of the group and her son rode everything with me (I was all worried that everyone would be selective and I wouldn’t be able to ride my favorite crazy rides), so that worked out wonderfully. It was hot as a brick oven until it rained and we all got cold, and I burned even with SPF 110, but it’s part of the summer amusement park atmosphere and I kind of enjoyed the heat. It made the rides feel really, really good with the wind.
Although rides are my favorite thing in the world, I also really enjoyed getting to talk to everyone there. While it rained, we talked about disclosure vs. nondisclosure (most people are for not disclosing), diagnosis, and meds. I hadn’t taken my Geodon that day and everyone noticed how talkative I was. I talked a lot with the group leader and her son and really enjoyed getting to know them both better, since to this point I hadn’t talked to either of them much due to my Geodon, mostly.
One of the things we all talked about while standing in line was how frustrating the bi-weekly discussion groups have become. The groups are divided into social outings and discussion groups and have different leaders. In the discussion groups, 2-3 people, who are all less than pleasant, use the group as their own personal therapy session and the rest of us, especially those of us who tend to be quieter, never get to say anything. A few of us have decided to leave the group because it’s become so ridiculous. The (social) group leader suggested that I contact the discussion group leader and let her know of my frustration.
Knowing that the discussion group leader had blown off other people’s similar frustrations in the past (saying, “just jump in!”), I wrote a very straightforward email to her and explained my concerns. I said that it’s unfair to expect the group members to “jump in” and cut off the “talkers,” especially because one of the “talkers” likes to get in people’s faces when he gets cut off. I said that I thought it was her job to curb the talking.
I was surprised that she got back to me very quickly and said that she understood why I was frustrated and that she had tried many things, and so far, nothing had worked. She has broken the group up into smaller groups many ways, put the talkers together and split them up, and still, the talkers talk. I suggested trying to impose a time limit on talking for each person or a number of turns limit per group. I also suggested breaking the group into small ones of 3-5 and asking each small group to find something they had in common, as a way to get to know everyone, even the quiet ones.
I hope something works out, because I really do like the company of certain people within that group and the possibilities of an HFA/AS discussion group. So, I ask you this. Do you have any ideas as to how to curb the talkers and bring out the quiet ones? Either general ideas or specific activities we could do that would allow everyone to participate would be great.
Got your thinking cap out and ready? Time to put it on!
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I think this is a problem in society at large and not just among groups like yours… but there are games you could play that encourage speaking up. Outburst is one of them. There are time limits involved with it. There are others that require writing down an answer and then later reading it out. Scattergories is one of those. Look into it. Apples to Apples is another good game involving cards and word associations, though a group of Aspies would either have a hayday with it or would be totally baffled by it.